Editor’s Note: Normal people might find some of this offensive. (We hope. Dear Lord, please!)
You’re racist. Just for reading this column. Look, it’s got black print, but the page is dominated by the white background. Essentially, the black type has to survive in a world dominated by the white background.
Yeah, that’s stupid. Real racism never is. Real racism is people attacking another because of his or her skin color. Or costing that person a job or a house because of some idiotic notion about skin color.
Only, the world of the left isn’t dominated by complaints about cross burnings and lynchings because those are, thankfully, quite rare. Lacking an obvious villain, the left has decided to create one.
Google the news about racism and you’ll find some whackjob Oklahoma teacher saying, “to be white is to be racist, period,” demands that the Cleveland Indians change their name or the racist origin of the Willy Wonka Oompa Loompas. In other words, mindless cultural phlegm designed to convince people things are worse than they are.
That paragraph doesn’t deny racism. It denies the constant media pounding of the issue by using ridiculous non-stories. It helps set up a politically correct world where media are afraid or too touchy-feely to even bring up negative stories involving race -- Chicago crime or out-of-wedlock birthrate.
But it’s the non-stories that lead us to this week’s items.
I Bet You Didn’t Know THIS Was Racist: Forget the moral issues behind porn -- just for a minute. The left and the media never care about them anyhow. Liberals are 100% supportive of free-range, gluten-free, “ethical” pornography. Except when they are promoting some other agenda. Welcome to the world of racist pornography -- because, if people can be racist against dark-colored pets, why not? (Editor’s Note: You can apparently find any victim story by simply typing in an “ist” word and adding a noun. It’s a new Google game. Sexist zoo animals or racist Star Wars.) Actual quote: “It's also not uncommon for white performers to charge a higher rate to work with a performer of another race.” Yes, people who use you for your body might also not be nice. I am stunned. This Alternet story actually brought up Black Lives Matter because let’s connect that to everything -- even the “core demographic” employment of porn workers. Praise be, there are honorable porn workers “who opt out of race-based roles” because they (Actual quote) “may be sticking to their core values.” And I thought the core values of porn involved making money and eroding the moral fabric of our society.
Teach Your Kids To Be Proper Eco-Loons: Liberals are often caught in the past, reliving their ‘60s ideals, singing along to Crosby, Stills & Nash. Following that strategy, HuffPo Green wants you to indoctrinate your kids to become perfect little Reds (I mean Greens. Don’t mind me, I’m color blind and they seem identical.). “You also have to engage your kids in thinking and living green the earliest time possible.” Who wants a kid enjoying his/her childhood, after all. The article gives several tips on how to propagandize to your child including, actual quote: “6. Assign a “Green Day” in your household once a month.” This isn’t a mandated listen to Green Day event. That would be bad enough. No, you’re supposed to teach them to conserve water, energy and landfill space and make “a huge difference in helping Mother Earth.” Ultimately, greening your kids is what’s important. Actual quote: “There are many things you’ll teach your kids but one thing that can make a big difference in their lives is instilling the value of making eco-friendly and responsible choices whenever they can.” Hillary Clinton famously said “It takes a village.” But if the left is running the village, can’t the rest of us live elsewhere? Location, location, location.
Milking This … Staying Abreast … Oh, Dear Lord: My brother used to say that you put two things together that had never been put together before and you could find some idiot to buy it. That’s how we got the Pet Rock, Freddy vs. Jason and fusion food like Dessert Sushi Rolls. Which takes us to this family-oriented Huffington Post story. Actual quote: “Plot twist, ladies. You can turn your breast milk into jewelry. And, as weird as it sounds, it’s apparently a trend that’s been around for a while now. And the biggest surprise of all? It makes cute jewelry.” I’m certainly glad it’s not as weird as it sounds, but that would be impossible. It seems, Amelia Edelman, a “self-proclaimed ‘hippie’ wanted to turn her breast milk into jewelry. Turns out this is “unique,” (Shocked face) but can cost between $80 and $400. The folks at Sacred Legacy Arts will produce your “breast milk and DNA keepsake jewelry.” Just in time for Christmas. P.T. Barnum would be proud.
Special thanks to researcher Callista Ring for her invaluable assistance this week, because I was theoretically on vacation.
