Mike Huckabee on Sunday demonstrated to his Fox News audience how politically correct, violent rhetoric-free speech can work on television if you try hard enough.
He also showed how absurd it will be if the liberal media reaction to the Tucson shootings goes too far (video follows with transcript and commentary):
MIKE HUCKABEE, HOST: Fox News prides itself on being fair and balanced. But in keeping with the new tenderness of speech, I want my show to go even further. I want us to be so fair as to be unfair. I want us to be so balanced as to be unbalanced. That way we can deliver deeper and more absolutely politically-correct approach to bringing insights to you. So, in keeping with that, my comments will now be carefully screened by Dr. Rube Churl, who’s the renowned Professor of Rhetoric at Puerile University. He’s going to be listening to my comments, and if I say something that is not in keeping with the new standards of political speech, he will sound this buzzer [Buzzer], then he will suggest an alternative word or phrase. So, are you ready, Dr. Churl?
DR. RUBE CHURL: Yes, please proceed.
HUCKABEE: Thank you very much. Well, this week, the House dropped a bombshell --
[Buzzer]
CHURL: The word "bombshell" implies war and violence. Try using a significant incendiary device.
[Laughter]
HUCKABEE: Okay. The House dropped a significant incendiary device by voting to repeal the ObamaCare bill. Despite the House vote, Senate majority leader Harry Reid said it would come to the Senate floor over his dead body --
[Buzzer]
CHURL: Dead body is not appropriate. Let’s try my non-animated physical presence.
HUCKABEE: Senate majority leader Harry Reid said the bill would come to the Senate floor over his non-animated physical presence which was the opening shot in the battle --
[Buzzer]
CHURL: Governor, there are two heated words. "Opening shot" and "in the battle." We need to replace these. Let’s say first point of the dispute in the disagreement.
HUCKABEE: Seriously. Okay. Senate majority leader harry Reid said the bill would come to the floor over his non-animated physical presence which was the first point of dispute in the disagreement between the two sides. The Senate minority leader Mitch McConnell responded, “That son of a gun --
[Buzzer]
CHURL: Governor, gun is not a word we can employ. Let’s try that son of a handheld detonation device.
HUCKABEE: Okay. The Senate minority leader responded, “That son of a handheld detonation device,” but the Republicans, they to stuck to their bullet points.
[Buzzer]
CHURL: Powder-powered projectile points.
HUCKABEE: Okay. And they focused on the job-killing –
[Buzzer]
CHURL: Killing.
HUCKABEE: Right, right. I get that part. Okay. The job euthanasia bill.
[Laughter] And then they voted to bury the –
[Buzzer]
Of course. We can't use that either. They voted to conclusively conceal in an underground manner the bill.
So Dr. Churl, I think if I get it right, here’s the way it would read. This is the new recap in the new unfair and unbalanced style:
This week the House dropped a significant incendiary device by voting to repeal the ObamaCare bill. Despite the House vote, Senate majority leader Harry Reid said it would come to the Senate floor over his non-animated physical presence, which was the first point of dispute in the disagreement between the two sides. Senate minority leader Mitch McConnell responded, “That son of a handheld decimation device,” but the Republicans stuck to their power-powdered projectile points and they focused on the job euthanasia bill and voted conclusively to conceal it in an underground manner that very bill.
Now that wasn't too hard, was it?
(H/T NBer Gary Hall)
