According to Vogue contributor Myles Tanzer, Cher is the “only political pundit we need in 2016.” The singer may lack political savvy, but this is what she does know: Trump, Cruz and other Republicans are devils. Hillary is America’s savior. And Cher’s “dream team”? In January 2015, she tweeted in her signature all caps style: PRESIDENT HILLARY CLINTON‼ VICE PRESIDENT, WILLIAM JEFFERSON CLINTON‼” And that’s the woman Mr. Tanzer wants as chief pundit.
2. White is Right (For Dems, That Is)
You may or may not remember this silly Philly article: “Melania Trump’s RNC fashion: A Scary Statement.” In it, writer Elizabeth Wellington condemned Trump’s color choice as sending the message that “in the GOP white is always right.” A week and a half later, Wellington adulated Hillary Clinton’s pantsuit, which was, of course, white. Women’s mags hopped on board with Wellington, writing of white as “the emblem of purity,” the hue of the suffragettes and a symbol of women’s rights.
It’s big news when your idol does or says anything. That’s why Cosmo writer Megan Friedman felt the need to inform fans that Hillz isn’t “that into PSLs anymore.” What’s a PSL, you ask? A pumpkin spice latte. Clearly, you’re not part of the in-crowd. But Hillary might not be either if she rejects this drink so beloved by a “key segment of her voter base.” According to Friedman, who albeit was clearly writing tongue in cheek, “every candidate really ought to have a PSL section on their campaign website under ‘Important Positions.’”
4. :D :D :D
Did you ever wonder how Hillary Clinton discovered emojis? Yeah, neither did I. But Elle’s Sarah Lindig absolutely went there. Beginning her article with a reminder of Hillary’s email “debacle” that “they’re still talking about … for some reason,” Lindig quickly moved to the important material: one of those illicit emails mentioned Clinton’s first exposure to typed “smiley faces.” An email from the nominee to an aide reads: "On this new [black]berry can I get smiley faces?” To Lindig, this was “So endearing! And so impressive for the then 64-year-old Secretary of State.”
5. “You are my HERO!”
In a recent Cosmo article, Hillary cheerleader Prachi Gupta gushed about the “adorable notes” that young girls had sent to the Democratic nominee following her DNC speech. Among the sixteen highlighted “heart-melting letters” were some which described Donald Trump as a “bully” and Mrs. Clinton as a “role modle [sic],” “grand inspiration,” and “my HERO.”
In a Glamour article entitled “Hillary Clinton Comes off Strong, Composed during Benghazi Hearing,” it was obvious that writer Hillary Kelly wanted the investigative committee in the hot seat, not her idol. Rather than discussing Clinton’s crimes, Kelly focused on her “near miraculous level of composure.” Comparing the hearing to 1960 Presidential debate, Kelly wrote that “Hillary remained serene and the Republicans looked sweaty.”
7. #ImWithHer (and the Hot Guy)
There were many internet sensations after Hillary’s DNC speech. One, which apparently “caused quite the social media meltdown,” was what Cosmo’s Sarah Lindig called Hillz’ “*crazy* hot” nephew. “You’re gonna start heavy breathing” when you see him, Lindig wrote. So who is this kid? Tyler Clinton, spotted on stage after the speech, is an 18-year old model, a graduate of Loyola Marymount University, and the son of Bill Clinton’s half-brother Roger. Why we are spending time discussing him, I can’t answer.
To Elle writer Mattie Kahn, it was important news. Hillary Clinton … wait for it … launched her own official Pinterest page! Populated with “granddaughter gift ideas, hairstyle inspiration, favorite moments, and some other things,” the page was an instant hit with Hillz worshippers. Kahn seemed over the moon as she detailed some of the delights on Clinton’s board, including a tutorial that teaches DIYers to “cross-stitch these immortal words: ‘Girls just wanna have fun-damental rights.’” Heaven help us.
Women’s mags have enjoyed downplaying Hillary’s email scandal by highlighting the mundane content of those emails instead. In a Vanity Fair article entitled “5 Shockingly Relatable Hillary Clinton E-mails Emerge in Latest Cache,” writer Tina Nguyen questioned: “Has she tried to keep her normality hidden on a secret server…?” The five examples included Clinton’s admission to forgetting her own phone number and a reference to The Music Man. Nguyen’s happy conclusion after the State Department’s release of more emails was this: the missives simply highlighted that Clinton is “relatable” with “normal imperfections” and the “capacity to act spontaneously.” In other words, it brought the angel down to earth.
With palpable excitement, Elle contributor Mattie Kahn anticipated the “emotional and affective speech” that Clinton would deliver at the DNC. “But in the meantime,” Kahn wrote, “she has done us all a good turn and shared a video that is clinically proven* to give you goosebumps.” In the behind the scenes footage, Clinton can be seen talking with celebrities, hugging Bill and smiling to the erupting crowds. “It’s okay to start weeping now,” Kahn gushed.