Last week’s episode of You, Me, and the Apocalypse, “Savior Day,” brought out the very worst vision of the Catholic Church, presenting a group of cardinals engaged in a grand conspiracy against their own parishioners, and Christianity as a whole. Tonight’s episode, “Calm Before the Storm,” wasn’t any better. When news breaks that Operation Savior, a desperate attempt to force the comet off its earthbound trajectory, failed, the Catholic Church almost immediately anoints one of the false saviors exposed by the late Father Jude.
Drinking herself into a stupor at the news, the former Sister, Celine, is visited by an apparition of God as an old grandmother bearing mints who tells her that Jude is in heaven and jokes about how it’s nice to finally have a sexy man walking around God’s kingdom. (Totty is a British slang term for sexually desirable women.)
Paula: David, this bucket list is pathetic. Seriously, you haven't done any of those? What have you been doing with your life?
David: I dunno. Angry Birds?
Celine: Lies. All lies. Yeah. Funny, that. We met this man, he's not Jesus! He's drives a taxi cab in Bilbao. He claims he heals people, but it's not true. We filed the report. They know he's a fraud. How could they do this?
Newscaster: ...Distrust of authority...
Celine: Jude warned me about them.
Paula: Look. Celine, darling. Let it go, eh? I mean, what does it matter? We're all gonna be dead anyway. Go on, get that down Ya.
Celine: I'm sorry, God. I'm so sorry.
God: No need to apologise, dear. It's going to be all right. Mint?
Celine: Who are you?
God: I am God. And you are very drunk.
Celine: Forgive me.
God: Oh, good grief. The groveling. Always the groveling. Can't we just be pleased to see each other? Jude sends his love, by the way.
Celine: So he's in heaven? Thank God.
God: And between you and me, it's nice to have some totty round the place.
Celine: I am so sorry. I broke my vows. I let you down.
God: The only thing I'm sad about is you leaving.
Celine: But I never left you.
God: I need you, Celine. You're part of my plan. Always were, and always will be.
Man: Oy, let me in. I mean it. I'm gonna puke.
Can you imagine the riots that would ensue if Mohammed or Allah was depicted as a woman? Or anointing false prophets?
Easter Sunday is this weekend. Perhaps with the end of Holy Week, our network television shows will go back to their regular schedule of only sometimes attacking Christianity.
