Sweat. It is one of the great afflictions of our era and must be prevented at all costs, even in humid Florida weather. Fortunately we have a visionary who is leading the way in combatting the appearance of even one sweat bead on the skin...Charlie Crist.
While most of the mainstream media was implying that Florida governor Rick Scott was somehow unreasonable for objecting to Charlie Crist breaking the rules to place a fan between his legs during last week's debate, Terrence McCoy of the Washington Post describes Charlie Crists bizarre obsession with preventing sweat at all times. So let us now enter into the bizarro world of Charlie Crist in which sweat is the great enemy:
One of the stranger moments of my reporting career arrived at 6 a.m. on a day in late 2012 in St. Petersburg, Fla. I was doing a lengthy profile of Florida governor Charlie Crist, who had just campaigned exhaustively for Barack Obama and was mulling another run at the governor’s mansion. I knew Crist was a exercise fanatic, and on something of a whim, I had asked him if he wanted to pump iron together.
Crist, who can rarely turn down an opportunity for press, said he did. He told me to meet him at his downtown apartment building, overlooking Tampa Bay, at 6 a.m. “We’ll get a workout in,” he cooed.
It’s difficult to pinpoint the strangest thing about working out with Charlie Crist, a man of boundless fastidiousness who will do almost anything to keep from looking frazzled. Maybe it was the fact that, despite the early hour, Crist had already lacquered his smooth cheeks in a healthy sheen of Brut aftershave. Or maybe it was that Crist, who was sucking on an Altoid, wore teal flip flops while working out. But what I recall most was that Crist, even when red-faced and benching 170 pounds, didn’t sweat. Not one bead. It was miraculous.
The Miracle of the Fans as we shall see:
Charlie Crist, burdened with an almost pathological disdain for humanity’s untidiness, hates to sweat. This trait runs deep, and it was laid bare again last night in an utterly bizarre and totally hilarious bit of political theater that would only happen in Florida. Crist, who claimed to have something called “temperature issues” that can only be “addressed” with a fan, had installed a fan at his feet before the debate.
Let’s be very clear about something. With Crist, there’s always a fan. This is a matter that has long been discussed and observed in Florida.
The big question is will there be a fan between Crist's legs at the third and final debate tonight even though it is prohibited by the debate rules? The world will watch in anticipation to see if poor Charlie will be forced to yield up at least one bead of the dreaded sweat.
