Not surprisingly, left-wing comedian Samantha Bee was ecstatic about the impeachment of President Trump. During the opening segment of Wednesday’s edition of Full Frontal, Bee described the impeachment of the President as a “Christmas miracle” and recycled the phrase “Merry Impeachmas,” introduced by The Washington Post’s Rachael Bade.
At the beginning of the show, Bee put on a spoof of Charles Dickens’s A Christmas Carol, where she declared “it’s the greatest day of the year” and urged a pedestrian walking by her apartment to “fetch me the biggest turkey you can find.” The celebration continued in the studio where Bee wished her audience a “Merry Impeachmas” and predicted that the chefs at the McDonald’s near the White House will be working overtime to provide the President with “comfort meat.”
After instructing her audience to take a moment to rejoice in the fact that “Trump is finally facing a consequence,” Bee declared “moment’s over,” proceeding to play clips of Republican Senators confidently asserting that impeachment will die in the Senate. Bee also accused the President of “openly doing the same crimes they’re protecting him for,” citing “Trump’s personal lawyer and nightmare before Christmas” Rudy Giuliani’s recent trip to Ukraine.
It did not take long for Bee to begin hurling personal insults at Giuliani. The TBS host played a clip of Trump claiming that Giuliani “does this out of love” before quipping: “Careful, Rudy. Last time you did something morally questionable out of love, it was your cousin.” Following the conclusion of a clip of Giuliani talking to Fox News’s Ed Henry about whether he was “afraid” of prosecution, Bee suggested that “the only time Rudy Giuliani feels fear is when he gets too close to a very crisp apple…One bite and those teeth fly out of his face.”
A disheartened Bee informed her impeachment-supporting audience that “this whole process is going to get even uglier. Lindsey Graham will show off his best Kavanaugh-confirming sneer, Mitch McConnell will try to rush the impeachment trial through in 15 minutes and the whole time Trump and Rudy will continue their corruption Euro trip.” Even though Bee admitted that impeaching Trump might be “pointless,” she found a kernel of optimism: “in a world where old, rich white dudes seem to increasingly operate with impunity, today, Trump faces the tiniest bit of punity and that is magic!”
At this point, comedian David Alan Grier, dressed as Santa Claus, appeared to give Bee her “Christmas wish,” the approved articles of impeachment. As she received her “gift,” an overjoyed Bee proclaimed “it’s a Christmas miracle!”
Come on now. The idea that impeachment was ever in doubt with a Democratic House and a media egging them on 24/7 is preposterous. Nonetheless, Bee surely enjoyed “Impeachment Day” quite a bit.
Bee wasn’t the only Hollywood celebrity excited. Stephen Colbert was ecstatic and mocked Nancy Pelosi for insisting people be solemn about the whole thing.
A partial transcript of the relevant portion of Wednesday’s edition of Full Frontal is below. Click “expand” to read more.
<<Help us fight back against the media’s impeachment crusade.>>
Full Frontal With Samantha Bee
12/18/19
10:30 PM
SAMANTHA BEE: No, four more years. The past, the present, the future. They’re all bad. Ooh! What? It hasn’t happened yet. It hasn’t happened yet. The three spirits were right. There’s still time.
(BELL PEALING)
BEE: You there, little street urchin!
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I’m an…I’m an adult woman.
BEE: Oh, balderdash. Now tell me, you dirty little ragamuffin, what day is it today?
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Uh, it’s December uh…
BEE: December? So, I haven’t missed impeachment.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Well, I mean, technically it could go either way with the Senate…
BEE: Hush now. Take this.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Oh.
BEE: It’s the greatest day of the year!
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: This is like $1,000.
BEE: Yes, go fetch me the biggest turkey you can find.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Have you ever bought a turkey before?
BEE: No. Now go, you Dickensian tragedy. We are going to celebrate.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Okay, just to be clear, I am going to be stealing this money.
BEE: It’s impeachment day!
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Woo-hoo!
BEE: Time to rub one out. I am excited for this.
(…)
10:32:13 PM
BEE: Welcome to Full Frontal. I’m Samantha Bee. Merry Impeachmas, everyone! Oh!
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
BEE: It’s almost certain impeachment will pass in the House tonight. Maybe it’s happening right now. If you’re very quiet, you can hear the pitter patter of the hamburger chefs at the McDonald’s near the White House struggling to fill a very large order of comfort meat. Code brown guys, it’s go time! Look, we should all take a moment to feel excited that Trump is finally facing a consequence.
...
BEE: When the new year starts, this whole process is going to get even uglier. Lindsey Graham will show off his best Kavanaugh-confirming sneer, Mitch McConnell will try to rush the impeachment trial through in 15 minutes and the whole time Trump and Rudy will continue their corruption Euro trip. This whole process is already excruciating and it’s going to be worse. It might even feel like impeaching Trump was pointless but it’s not. In a world where old rich white dudes seem to increasingly operate with impunity, today, Trump faces the tiniest bit of punity and that is magic!
DAVID ALAN GRIER: Ho ho ho ho! Ho ho ho ho! Ho ho ho!
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
GRIER: Did someone say magic?
BEE: Oh my God!
GREER: Ho ho ho ho!
BEE: Oh my God! David Alan Grier!
GRIER: Ho ho! No, Sam, I’m…I’m Santa.
BEE: David Alan Grier is Santa? My mind is completely blown.
GRIER: Sam, I’ve come straight from Washington, D.C by way of the North Pole to bring you your Christmas wish.
BEE: You brought me a peloton?
(LAUGHTER)
GRIER: What? What? That’s like $2,500 and you’re an independent woman so you can buy that for yourself.
BEE: Okay, right.
GRIER: Instead, I brought you something even better. The approved articles of impeachment.
BEE: Oh, my God!
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
BEE: For me? It’s a Christmas miracle!
GRIER: It certainly is and it was free for me to print so Merry Christmas, Samantha Bee!
BEE: Merry Christmas, everybody. There is a Santa Claus.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
