Boston Globe Spreads Bad Case of Gas Price Derangement Syndrome

September 28th, 2006 7:33 AM

If you see a fellow walking down the block on his hands today, you can be pretty sure he's a Democrat. For, at least from now till Election Day, Dems inhabit a topsy-turvy world in which good news is bad and bad news is good - unless the bad news is very bad, which would be bad. Got it?

By now we're all familiar with BDS - Bush Derangement Syndrome. In recent weeks, a new, virulent strain has mutated: GPDS. No, not a virus affecting the positioning gizmo in your car permitting men to achieve nirvana - never again having to ask for directions. We're talking about Gas Price Derangement Syndrome in which Democrats - depressedly deranged by dropping gasoline prices - blame the good news on a diabolical plot concocted by Karl Rove and carried out in the covens of Exxon-Mobil and company.

Being the serious paper it is, the Boston Globe decided to propagate that virus today by publishing a column by one Tom Keane, identified as a former Boston City Councilor. His party affiliation wasn't offered, but I'm going out on a limb and guessing he's a Dem.

Entitled Thanks to GOP, I'm pumped for November the column manifests these symptoms of a severe case of GPDS:

  • $2.19 at a Hess in Wilmington. $2.12 at Prime Energy in Malden! $2.12!! . . . I'm starting to dread the regular trips to the gas station less and less, and I'm liking the president more and more . . . Yeah, I'm being bought off for a few bucks -- actually, about $15 a week.
  • Is it just an election year ploy, a cynical manipulation of the market to capture straying voters such as myself and bring them back to the fold? Could be. But it's a good one.
  • Gas is nearing two bucks. Maybe these guys really do know what they're doing. Sure, people are dying, bombs are exploding everywhere, and Iraq is on the verge of civil war. On the other hand, we're awash in oil and the price is plummeting.
  • Is it worth it? I don't know. I stand at the pump mulling that question, pondering the money spent, the lives lost, and the ideals betrayed. It's a hard case to make. At two dollars, gas is still pretty high. But at $1.50? Perhaps. Perhaps.

Tom, Tom. Take a tank of high-test and call us in the morning if it still hurts.  And look on the bright side -  there are worse things than GPDS. You could have CDD: Controlled-Demolition Dementia.

Finkelstein lives in the liberal haven of Ithaca, NY. View webcasts of Mark's award-winning TV show 'Right Angle' here. Contact Mark at