Viewer Warning: Inappropriate language and themes are contained in the post below.
New TBS host Samantha Bee returned for round two of her show Monday night and after a litany of vile remarks in the inaugural edition, she used the opening segment of this one to savage late Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia and especially Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell as she likened him to an “obstructionist ass” who’s desecrating Scalia and the Constitution by stating he wouldn’t allow the nomination of Scalia’s replacement to go forward.
After briefly freaking out over thinking that Scalia’s death triggered a constitutional crisis, Bee had an enlarged copy of the Constitution brought to her and she claimed that it’s not a crisis since “[a]ccording to Article II, the President just appoints a new one so he just gets on with that.”
Bee then played a news clip in which CBS’s Nancy Cordes read from part of McConnell’s initial statement reacting to Scalia’s death and when it returned back to Bee, she sarcastically lashed out at McConnell for paying homage to Scalia “by wiping your obstructionist ass on the very document he holds so dear”:
Yes because what better way to honor America's greatest champion of original intent than by wiping your obstructionist ass on the very document he holds so dear. You know, no one loved the Constitution more than Scalia. He would have married it if he could. Then he would have struck down that marriage because marriage is only between a man and a woman.
With the crowd bursting into laughter, Bee threw the book that had “Constitution” as its title and screamed “fuck this stupid thing” and exclaimed that McConnell wants to “have a Supreme Court vacancy for a year because some chinless dildo wants a justice who will use his gavel to plug up your abortion hole.”
Only minutes later did Bee back down as she aired a clip of Scalia telling CBS’s Lesile Stahl that he doesn’t “attack people” because “[s]ome very good people have very bad ideas” and admitted: “Good people do have bad ideas but that's no reason to be a dick so Mitch McConnell. I take it back. You are not a dildo. Your ideas are a dildo.”
With critical acclaim by the liberal media for her debut show, Bee capped off the second one by urging viewers to “[t]une in next week when we'll air a great piece about women in the workplace which we had to bump tonight because of Scalia” who “died as he lived, interfering with a woman's plans.”
The relevant portions of the transcript from TBS’s Full Frontal with Samantha Bee on February 15 can be found below.
TBS’s Full Frontal with Samantha Bee
February 15, 2016
10:31 p.m. Eastern
SAMANTHA BEE: Oh, my gosh! It's fine. According to Article II, the President just appoints a new one so he just gets on with that.
NANCY CORDES [on CBS This Morning, 02/15/16]: The Senate's Republican leader said “this vacancy should not be filled until we have a new president” and McConnell controls who gets a vote and when.
BEE: Yes because what better way to honor America's greatest champion of original intent than by wiping your obstructionist ass on the very document he holds so dear. You know, no one loved the Constitution more than Scalia. He would have married it if he could. Then he would have struck down that marriage because marriage is only between a man and a woman. [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] Ok. Fine, but sure. You know what? Fuck this stupid thing. Let's just have a Supreme Court vacancy for a year because some chinless dildo wants a justice who will use his gavel to plug up your abortion hole. [LAUGHTER]
(....)
BEE: So, whether you loved or hated his narrow literalism about a document written before machine guns and gay people were invented, Scalia was by all accounts a nice guy with a wicked sense of humor. People liked him and this may be why.
ANTONIN SCALIA [on CBS’s 60 Minutes in 2008]: I attack ideas, I don't attack people. Some very good people have very bad ideas and if you can't separate the two, you got to get another day job.
BEE: He's right. Good people do have bad ideas but that's no reason to be a dick so Mitch McConnell. I take it back. You are not a dildo. Your ideas are a dildo. [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
(....)
10:59 p.m. Eastern
BEE: Welcome back. That is it for our show tonight. Tune in next week when we'll air a great piece about women in the workplace which we had to bump tonight because of Scalia. He died as he lived, interfering with a woman's plans. [LAUGHTER] Good night.
