On Friday’s Need to Know program on PBS, during the show’s semi-regular allegedly humor-based "Next Week’s News" portion of the show, Andrew Borowitz devoted the entire segment to mocking Sarah Palin’s intelligence as he faux-predicted that, after winning the 2012 presidential election, "Her first official act will be to cancel the agreement between nouns and verbs," and that she will then "replace the English language with ‘Palinese,’ a language known only to her." He added: "He also asserted: "I figure if we learn three words a day, in two years we might have a shot at understanding her State of the Union Address."
Using Palin’s recent "refudiate" Twitter misspelling as a premise, Borowitz made up other words to jab the former Alaska governor’s intelligence, as he alluded to her history of writing notes on her hands, and used the made-up word "rignorant" to portray her as stupid for wanting to continue oil drilling in the ocean after the BP oil spill disaster.
The "Next Week’s News" segment has a history of taking shots at the intelligence of conservatives as, on the second episode of the series back in May, Palin and Supreme Court Justice Clarence were both targets of ridicule. And in the first episode, Borowitz also suggested that Palin and Minnesota Representative Michele Bachmann are two of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.
Below is a complete transcript of the segment from the Friday, July 23, Need to Know on PBS:
ALISON STEWART: Here at Need to Know, we believe in real reporting.
JON MEACHAM: We don't put much stock in crystal balls or reading tea leaves.
STEWART: But when we need to know what's happening next week, we turn to our own Andy Borowitz to give us his trademark glance into the future. Hi, Andy.
ANDY BOROWITZ: Hi, Alison and Jon. Well, this week we're going to look a little bit further into the future to 2012. If the presidential election were held today, Sarah Palin would defeat Barack Obama. Now, that's according to a new poll published in Mayan Prophecy Weekly.
Here’s what you need to know about a Palin presidency. Her first official act will be to cancel the agreement between nouns and verbs. Next, she'll replace the English language with "Palinese," a language known only to her. Even her husband Todd doesn't speak it, although to be fair no one has ever heard him speak.
We got a little taste of this strange new language last week on her Twitter page when she used the word "refudiate." Now, when she uses a word like "refudiate," she may seem "incohecent," but in 2012 we're all be talking like this, so we better start learning "Palinese" now. I figure if we learn three words a day, in two years we might have a shot at understanding her State of the Union Address.
Let's begin our lesson in basic Palinese. Word number one, "mitteracy." "Mitteracy" means the ability to read off one's hand. Word number two, "rignorance." "Rignorance" means advocating deep water drilling in the aftermath of an ecological disaster that killed thousands of pelicans. And, finally, "mooseacre." "Mooseacre" means a really fun day in the great outdoors. Well, that's our lesson in "Palinese" for today.
Now, you may be wondering where does Sarah Palin find all these new words of hers? In a little book called the fictionary. Well, that’ll do it for "Next Week’s News." Back to you, jon and alison or as we say in palinese, jalison.
STEWART: Thank you, Andy, Professor Borowitz.
