Justice Samuel Alito must be disappointed to discover that he has failed to live up to TBS’s Samantha Bee’s standard of legal rigor. On Thursday’s edition of Full Frontal, Bee accused the Supreme Court of caring more for “a cluster of cells” than “actual people” and that Alito’s draft opinion was just a “rant and rave.”
Bee accusing anyone else of ranting and raving is ironic. After playing a montage of clips of Sen. Mitch McConnell and Fox News personalities decrying demonstrations in front of justices’ homes, Bee took the opposite approach, “Pardon me but in my civilist way possible, may I humbly request that you [beep] the [bleep] off? How dare Republicans demand civility as they strip away our civil rights?”
After accusing pro-life men of believing that women lay eggs, Bee turned her ire to the Court, “It is the more than 30 million people across the country who will be forbidden to make choices about their own body because our broken, corrupt Supreme Court cares more about a cluster of cells than it does about the actual people who live and breathe and exist in our country. These people are not pro-life.”
If one wanted to be a strict materialist, one could say that Bee herself is still just a cluster of cells. The unscientific differentiation of “actual people” and supposed non-persons behind her, Bee moved on, “Justice Alito's draft opinion may rant and rave for 98 pages but when it comes to kids after their born, it's really down to just three words.”
Those three words were included in a picture of Alito with the caption “F**k them kids,” as Bee continued, “And of course, we know abortion won’t drop. The only difference is that people, especially people of color, especially people living in poverty will die. As of right now, it is unlikely justices will change their vote and that feels hopeless. Especially considering the fact that our bodies are going to be officially worth less than the opinion of a guy from the 1600s with a [beep] soul patch.”
Moving on to the failed congressional bill that would’ve expanded abortion beyond Roe, Bee told the audience that, “I know being told to “vote blue no matter who” is so crushing especially since one of those blue joined Republicans to kill the bill protecting reproductive rights. It sucks an ass so big it would kill Sir Mix-a-Lot.”
Bee concluded by urging more abortion activism, “but unfortunately, we cannot give up. We’ve got to protect people's access to abortion pills, we’ve got support abortion funds, and we’ve got to keep pressuring the government officials who work for us to protect rights that we fought for and that again the majority of Americans [beep] want. Because if they're taking away our right to choose, fighting is the only choice we've got left. We'll be right back.”
And by fighting, Bee means they got seven unelected justices to do all their work for them.
This segment was sponsored by Samsung.
Here is a transcript for the May 19 show:
TBS Full Frontal With Samantha Bee
5/19/2022
10:03 PM ET
SAMANTHA BEE: Pardon me but in my civilist way possible, may I humbly request that you [beep] the [bleep] off? How dare Republicans demand civility as they strip away our civil rights? When Susan Collins gets a sidewalk full of bubble letter chalk, she is not the victim. When Amy Coney Barrett's tacky ass McMansion is visited by a pack of roaming handmaids, she is not the victim. The real victims in this atrocity of a court decision will be the people who live in the more than 20 states that would ban abortion after Roe is overturned. It is the person who, if certain lawmakers had their way, could be charged with homicide for having a procedure that has been constitutionally protected for nearly half a century.
It's a woman in Texas with an ectopic pregnancy who could die because her doctor and pharmacist are afraid to give her the treatment she needs to save her life. It's someone in Arizona who was raped and is now forced to carry a pregnancy that will punish and traumatize them just for being a victim.
It's people of color who will, depressingly, bear the greatest brunt of reproductive decisions made by men who as best I can tell believe women lay eggs. It is the more than 30 million people across the country who will be forbidden to make choices about their own body because our broken, corrupt Supreme Court cares more about a cluster of cells than it does about the actual people who live and breathe and exist in our country. These people are not pro-life.
Justice Alito's draft opinion may rant and rave for 98 pages but when it comes to kids after their born, it's really down to just three words. And of course, we know abortion won’t drop. The only difference is that people, especially people of color, especially people living in poverty will die. As of right now, it is unlikely justices will change their vote and that feels hopeless. Especially considering the fact that our bodies are going to be officially worth less than the opinion of a guy from the 1600s with a [beep] soul patch. I know being told to “vote blue no matter who” is so crushing especially since one of those blue joined Republicans to kill the bill protecting reproductive rights.
It sucks an ass so big it would kill Sir Mix-a-Lot, but unfortunately, we cannot give up. We’ve got to protect people's access to abortion pills, we’ve got support abortion funds, and we’ve got to keep pressuring the government officials who work for us to protect rights that we fought for and that again the majority of Americans [beep] want. Because if they're taking away our right to choose, fighting is the only choice we've got left. We'll be right back.
