WashPost Humorist Mocks IRS With Tea Party Tax-exempt Form Demands: Produce a 'Non-Blurry Photo of a Yeti'
I've sometimes found Washington Post humorist Alexandra Petri a bit of a liberal jerk, like when she discussed what the 2012 presidential contenders should have given up for Lent, as in Rick Santorum needed to give up talking and Newt Gingrich needed to just give up. In another entry, she compared Herman Cain to American Idol joke-contenders Sanjaya and William Hung.
But she switched targets on Saturday to mock the IRS punishing conservative groups with intense audits. (You can judge the humor, I'm only noticing her bipartisanship in targets.) So this is what she joked groups with "Tea Party" in their name or the Constitution in their mission would face on an IRS form:
• To expedite completion of this form, you can sign form 37(b)4-Part D, giving us your first-born child in perpetuity, but be warned that the notarization process must take place in the middle of an electrical storm. Give yourself ample time.
• Sign, notarize, and-write the first 3,094 digits of pi on the back of this form.
• Alternatively, you can name your second child “George W. Bush’s Presidency Was A Mistake” and “Ronald Reagan? More Like Satan Satan” and bypass forms AA-MM, but you still must complete the remaining 17 forms to the best of your ability.
• Append, along with records of all bodily functions performed by volunteers for your organization during the past fiscal year, sixteen signed copies of form 17B-c4, one folded neatly into an origami swan.
• Have you ever lusted in your heart? Provide a detailed confession below. You will need to have your husband or wife sign this.
• Include six completed Saturday New York Times crossword puzzles, with video footage of you completing them without Googling anything.
• Staple non-blurry photo of a yeti to the back of Form 3-4-32-7.
This is a partial list of wisecracks. And there are the much different fake rules for groups without "Tea Party" or "Constitution" in their name:
• Please draw a picture of a spider.
• Here are three wines. Taste them. Compare them. If you like, drop Carol a note to say which one was your favorite. But no pressure, obviously.
• Did you enjoy the chocolates we sent? Good. This wasn’t a question, I just felt like checking in!
• Draw a picture of something that makes you happy
• How great is President Obama? (A) Great (B) Just super! (Either answer is acceptable.)
• Here is a blank page. Write your name really big.
• Sign this form and mail it back for a free phone! Otherwise, no sweat.
WashPost poltical reporter Karen Tumulty praised this column on Twitter as "a @petridishes classic."