The Phony Rage of Ratigan

Now, there’s always a scene in zombie movies, when one non-zombie character will turn to another, and say, “If I ever turn into that, I want you to kill me.” Then they make love, and reload.

Well, I want you, dear viewer, to make the same promise to me. Except instead of killing me if I become a zombie, I want you to kill me if I ever turn into Dylan Ratigan.

I am not joking. If you see symptoms of me frothing, twitching, or ranting until my eyeballs pop out and roll across the floor – I want you to hack me to pieces with a hatchet. Try to make it quick.

See, there is a reason why no one should ever be Ratigan. He has a hard time being himself. Check him out interviewing a Tea Party leader, Mark Williams, as if Williams himself ran a concentration camp in the 1940’s.

Does Williams get a chance to respond? Not really. Because when he tries, Ratigan accuses him of trying to hijack the interview!

Anyway, I guess the segment was meant to analyze the fringe elements in an otherwise earnest movement filled with decent people. But because the analyst is Dylan Ratigan and the couch is MSNBC, you know it was just a ruse used to paint all tea partiers as a bunch of Nazi-sympathizers who eat babies.

More delightful, though, is the segment banner, which reads “Anger in America.” Which makes sense – judging from his manufactured outrage, the angriest person in America is Dylan Ratigan.

It must suck doing Rachel Maddow’s laundry.

And if you disagree with me, you’re a homophobic racist tea-partying baby-eater.

Originally posted March 3 at Big Hollywood