David Sedaris

National Public Radio was replaying "holiday favorites" on Friday's Morning Edition -- to be specific, allowing humorist David Sedaris offer a very nasty take on Christmas as he played "Crumpet the Elf" at Macy's. In a seven-minute reading from his "Santaland Diaries," there's some rather shocking attempts at humor that aren't exactly warm and fuzzy.

Sedaris's elf shouted at a woman for asking where the women's bathroom was, saying it was next to the line with all the women in it. This followed: "I had two people say that to me today: 'I'm going to have you fired.' Go ahead, be my guest. I'm wearing a green velvet costume. It doesn't get any worse than this. Who do these people think they are? 'I'm going to have you fired,' and I want to lean over and say: 'I'm going to have you killed.'"