In this instance, Maher suggested that, “If converting to Islam is all it takes to get the terrorists off our backs, then all I have to say is, ‘Lalalalalalala!’” He referred to Americans as “Christians in name only,” asserting that "the best part is that nothing that really matters to you will be different. It’s not like we’re asking you to change your e-mail address." And, he stated that converting to Islam would make conservative Christians happy: “You mean we can stone homosexuals instead of just bitching about them on talk-radio? Thank you Jesus…I mean, Allah.”
To fully appreciate the level of the vitriol – albeit disguised as comedy with some admittedly humorous moments – one must see the video here (go to minute two). Hat tip to our old friend Ian Schwartz who now works for Hot Air. A full transcript follows:
New rule: If converting to Islam is all it takes to get the terrorists off our backs, then all I have to say is, “Lalalalalalala!” Now this week when two Fox News journalists were released by their kidnappers, I was shocked. Fox News has journalists? No, the shocking part of it was that all these Westerners had to do get the blade literally off their neck was say they were Muslims. Just recite a two line pledge. Just say the words, “There’s no god but Allah, Mohammed is his messenger, and,” oh, whoops. There, I did it. I’m now Bill al-Sheik Yerbouti. Welcome to Saudi America.
Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Bill, if we convert to Islam, doesn’t that mean the terrorists have won?” Well, sort of, but it’s a win-win, because they get to declare victory, and we get to take hair gel on the plane. Plus, we’re not really converting to Islam. We’re just telling our enemies what they want to hear, and trying to convince them we’re something we’re really not. Or, as Hillary Clinton calls it, campaigning. (groans from crowd). Oh, you just can’t take it the other way you little…
And, it’s so simple to convert this way. You know, if you want to convert to Judaism, it’s a huge hassle. You’ve got to find a Rabbi, study the Torah, get circumcised, go to dental school. But, Mohammed made joining his team easy: two line pledge, and you’re in. Which would you go for? The two line pledge, or lopping off the business end of your meat thermometer? And the best part is that nothing that really matters to you will be different. It’s not like we’re asking you to change your e-mail address. We’d be Muslims in name only, instead of what Americans are now – Christians in name only.
I mean, look around, we don’t care for the poor, or differ to the meek, or avoid judging people. It’s not like we’re that committed to Christianity. In fact, the other day I heard a nun say, “Sure, I love Jesus, but I’m not married to him.” Now, I know my plan will meet some resistance, but it shouldn’t come from the right, because converting to Islam will just give conservative Christians everything they love: “Pray five times a day? Where do I sign up? You mean we can stone homosexuals instead of just bitching about them on talk-radio? Thank you Jesus…I mean, Allah.”
We’re a nation enthralled to religious fanatics anyway. Does it really matter which fanatics we’re enthralled to? They’re both filled with moral pieties and codes of conduct nobody follows anyway. So, let’s pick the one that let’s us take hair gel on the plane. Because, no matter what happens, we’ll always be Americans. Nothing can ever change that. Because even if women here had to start wearing burkas, believe me, they would find a way to write the word “Juicy” on their ass!
