Chicken Little Alert: LA Times Reports on Race to Breed Weather-Resistant FrankenFarm Animals

THE SKY IS FALLING!!! THE SKY IS FALLING!!!

Not only is the Los Angeles Times reporting on the latest global warming scare, it is also informing us how Chicken Little and the other farm animals are being bred to resist the onslaught of global warming. Despite the fact that there has been no actual global warming for 17 years, the Times breathlessly informs us how scientists are working to produce the poultry version of a neck cooler in the form of chickens with naked necks. I kid you not. So what is the real motivation behind the rush to breed FrankenFarm animals? As usual federal grant $$$$ is the answer to the American Lysenko solution:

When a team of researchers from the University of Delaware traveled to Africa two years ago to search for exemplary chickens, they weren't looking for plump thighs or delicious eggs.

They were seeking out birds that could survive a hotter planet.

The researchers were in the vanguard of food scientists, backed by millions of dollars from the federal government, racing to develop new breeds of farm animals that can stand up to the hazards of global warming.

Ah, yes. Millions of federal dollars poured into an absolutely absurd project. And how many times have we heard that story told before?

In their search for "exemplary chickens," scientists propose the idea of breeding poultry neck coolers to withstand the global warming that projections claimed has already arrived but reality says didn't happen:

...Carl Schmidt and his colleagues are trying to map the genetic code of bizarre-looking African naked-neck chickens to see if their ability to withstand heat can be bred into flocks of U.S. broilers.

Or how about something practical such as breeding chickens with four wings to satisfy the munchies of millions of buffalo wing lovers? Another "solution" proposed by the scientists mad for those global warming federal bucks is to make meat out of peas:

The meat industry should be more radical in confronting climate change, Miller said, pointing to an approach backed by Microsoft founder Bill Gates that takes animals out the process altogether. The billionaire is bullish on technology that would use pea proteins to create replicas of beef and chicken that are indistinguishable from the real thing.

Yeah, the day that Bill Gates can sit down to a chick pea flet mignon dinner and convincingly pretends to enjoy it, call me. In the meantime, I doubt that Gates even eats meat with soy additive which was once billed as indistinguishable from real meat...until real people tasted it for themselves.

The Times article did make one accurate claim:

Brutal weather can claim entire cattle herds.

That sure is the truth. Early last October brutal weather wiped out about 100,000 cattle in South Dakota. Except it wasn't global warming that caused their deaths. It was an early snowstorm.

The laughable absurdity of this L.A. Times story, written with a straight face by Evan Halper, did not go unnoticed by the readers:

I came here to laugh at all the doomsayers looking to sell snake oil. LMAO!!!

This sounds ridiculous...and scary. You know what's going to end up happening don't you? They're going to create a race of Super Chickens that take over the world :)

Scientist A: I'm trying to develop hardier farm animals but can't get any funding.
Scientist B: Do what I do, relate it to global warming somehow and the idiots will throw buttloads of cash at you.

I am a government paid climate scientologist ...... for the next 5 years, I predict partly cloudy conditions with a chance of outright fraud ....

P.J. Gladnick
P.J. Gladnick
P.J. Gladnick is a freelance writer and creator of the DUmmie FUnnies blog.