Bush Lampoons Press, Self at WH Correspondents Dinner

At the annual White House Correspondents' Association Dinner, President Bush first appeared with Steve Bridges, who's made a name for himself impersonating Bush on national television. Bush would say something and the impersonator would say what he "really" thought. RightWinged has a video of the routine.

PRESIDENT BUSH: Members of the White House Correspondents' Association, distinguished guests, ladies and gentlemen --

BUSH IMPERSONATOR: Here I am.

(Laughter)

Here I am at another one of these dang press dinners. Could be home asleep, little Barney curled up at my feet. But no, I've got to pretend I like being here.

(Laughter)

The media really ticks me off. The way they try to embarrass me by not editing what I say.

(Laughter)

Well, let's get things going, or I'll never get to bed.

PRESIDENT BUSH: Thank you, Mark.

I'm absolutely delighted to be here.

(Laughter, Applause)

As is Laura.

BUSH IMPERSONATOR: She's hot.

(Laughter)

Muy caliente (very hot).

(Laughter)

PRESIDENT BUSH: As you know, I always look forward to these dinners.

BUSH IMPERSONATOR: It's just a bunch of media types. Hollywood liberals, Democrats like Joe Biden. How come I can't have dinner with the 36% of the people who like me?

(Laughter)

The only thing missing is Hillary Clinton sitting on the front row, rolling her eyes.

(Laughter)

There's got to be a friendly face out there somewhere. There's Justice Scalia. There's Justice Alito. Hey, boys.

(Laughter)

Bet it feels good to be out from under those robes. Toga! Toga! Toga!

(Laughter)

There's Alex Trebeck of Jeopardy. That boy's smart.

He knows a lot. Maybe I should put him on the Supreme Court.

Let's see the Democrats block that one.

PRESIDENT BUSH: You know, it's good to see so many influential guests here tonight, Justice Scalia, Justice Alito.

BUSH IMPERSONATOR: Yeah, all the usual suspects. Speaking of suspects, where's the Great White Hunter?

PRESIDENT BUSH: I am sorry Vice President Cheney couldn't be here tonight.

(Cheers and applause)

I agree with the press that Dick was a little late reporting that hunting episode down in Texas. In fact, I didn't know a thing about it until I saw him on "America's Most Wanted."

BUSH IMPERSONATOR: Cheney, what a goofball.

(Laughter)

Shot the only trial lawyer in the country who's for me.

(Laughter)

I'll tell you, you reporters would go nuts if you knew the true story. He was as drunk as a skunk.

(Laughter)

On one beer. Lite beer. People were ducking and diving for cover. I wish I could have been there. I saw him walking down the hallway the other day and looked at him and said, "Don't shoot."

(Laughter)

You see, people don't see the fun side of Dick.

PRESIDENT BUSH: But Dick's a good man. He has a good heart-- well, he's a good man.

(Laughter)

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm feeling chipper tonight. I survived the White House shakeup.

(Laughter, Applause)

So I want to talk about some serious issues, such as --

BUSH IMPERSONATOR: Ok. Here it comes. Nuclear proliferation. Nuclear proliferation. Nuclear proliferation.

PRESIDENT BUSH: Nukear pro liberation.

(Laughter)

BUSH IMPERSONATOR: All right, all right, maintain. Be cool. Let's give this a try. We must enhance noncompliance protocols. Sanction not only IAEA formal sessions, but through intercessional contact.

PRESIDENT BUSH: We must enhance noncompliance protocols, sanction not only at EIEIO formal sessions. But through intersexual conduct.

(Laughter)

BUSH IMPERSONATOR: Nailed it.

(Laughter)

PRESIDENT BUSH: See, I'm an activist. I object to those stories that say I'm a lame duck. I'm not a lame duck, I'm a sprinting duck. I'm a hustling duck. I'm a leadership of the Free World duck. And I'll continue to spread our agenda globally and around the world, as well as internationally.

(Laughter)

BUSH IMPERSONATOR: Some of my critics in the international community call me arrogant. I will not even honor that with a response. Screw 'em.

(Laughter)

Nah, don't say screw 'em. Let's hit them with some rhetorical eloquence.

PRESIDENT BUSH: My friends, our purple mountains with ramparts red glare, white with foam and justice for all, fruity plains, gallantly streaming, from sea to shining sea, with a shining city on a shining hill, above a shining prairie and maybe some shiny trees and a few shrubs, I see a shiny America.

(Cheers and applause)

BUSH IMPERSONATOR: Yes, my fellow Americans, in the words of Sigmund Freud, I have a dream.

(Laughter)

And one of those dreams is to eliminate barriers. And I saw a wonderful opportunity to do that when I was in China. Out on tour of the Chinese countryside, with the Chinese premier, Wen Hiabo. I looked him straight in the eye and I said, "Mr. President, tear down this wall."

(Laughter)

You should have seen his face.

(Laughter)

PRESIDENT BUSH: I love America. Because it's full of Americans.

(Laughter)

I believe we in America should come together, Republican and Democrat and John McCain.

(Laughter)

I believe in bipartisan bipartisanship.

BUSH IMPERSONATOR: Yeah, you see it's, it's like this here. We can all come together. (moves hands together) Here's a visual, see there, look there. See, there's the church. And there's the steeple. Open the door and look at all the people. See, they're all happy and wiggling, there's me and Senator Kennedy on the front row.

PRESIDENT BUSH: You know, I couldn't have said that better myself.

(Laughter)

Ladies and gentlemen, that ruggedly good-looking guy right there is Steve Bridges.

(Applause)

He's a fine talent. In fact, Steve did all my debates with Senator Kerry.

(Laughter)