Michael Moore Warns CNN: ‘I’m About to Become Your Worst Nightmare’
Given Michael Moore’s anti-war tendencies, you wouldn’t envision him to possess so much rage.
However, following his well-publicized dustup with CNN last week (please see Business & Media Institute reports on the subject here and here), the controversial schlockumentarist has published an open letter threatening the network with reprisals.
Although likely not his intent, Moore's screed was actually funnier than any movie he's made to date.
With that in mind, here are some lowlights for your Saturday entertainment pleasure (emphasis added throughout, h/t Dan Gainor, better remove liquids from your proximity):
I'm about to become your worst nightmare. 'Cause I ain't ever going away. Not until you set the record straight, and apologize to your viewers. "The Most Trusted Name in News?" I think it's safe to say you can retire that slogan.
Honestly, this is so delicious, it’s tough to determine where to begin.
After all, Moore has never apologized for the factual inaccuracies in his schlockumentaries regardless of their number and seriousness. For him to ask anyone for an apology or a retraction given the intentional falsehoods in his work is laughable.
Beyond that, if Moore was actually interested in truthful reporting, maybe he should have set his sights on CNN years ago, and regularly published detailed analyses of their abysmal biases aired on a daily basis.
Seemingly oblivious to his own hypocrisy, Moore continued:
After what the public saw with your report on "Sicko," and how many inaccuracies that report contained, how can anyone believe anything you say on your network? In the old days, before the Internet, you could get away with it. Your victims had no way to set the record straight, to show the viewers how you had misrepresented the truth. But now, we can post the truth -- and back it up with evidence and facts -- on the web, for all to see. And boy, judging from the mail both you and I have been receiving, the evidence I have posted on my site about your "Sicko" piece has led millions now to question your honesty.
Pretty funny stuff coming from one of the planet’s foremost liars and propagandists, wouldn’t you agree? In reality, this was a perfect example of the liberal motif “Do as I Say, Not as I Do!”
But it gets better:
I won't waste your time rehashing your errors. You know what they are. What I want to do is help you come clean. Admit you were wrong. What is the shame in that? We all make mistakes. I know it's hard to admit it when you've screwed up, but it's also liberating and cathartic. It not only makes you a better person, it helps prevent you from screwing up again. Imagine how many people will be drawn to a network that says, "We made a mistake. We're human. We're sorry. We will make mistakes in the future -- but we will always correct them so that you know you can trust us." Now, how hard would that really be?
How utterly hysterical. Regardless of the proven factual inaccuracies in his films, has Moore ever admitted he was wrong? No. Instead, though he allows his movies to be marketed as documentaries, he hides behind a veil of literary license and comedic intent with his sickeningly frequent misstatements.
And, Moore even admitted how well he has been treated by the folks at CNN in the past:
As you know, I hold no personal animosity against you or any of your staff. You and your parent company have been very good to me over the years. You distributed my first film, "Roger & Me" and you published "Dude, Where's My Country?" Larry King has had me on twice in the last two weeks. I couldn't ask for better treatment.
Fascinating, wouldn’t you agree? Yet, when CNN actually does its job, and points out inaccuracies in his film – all the while giving him the courtesy of being able to address their critiques on camera – Moore believes they have somehow abdicated their journalistic responsibility.
Tough to stop laughing, isn’t it? But it gets even better:
We are now going to start looking into the veracity of other reports you have aired on other topics. Nothing you say now can be believed. In 2002, the New York Times busted you for bringing celebrities on your shows and not telling your viewers they were paid spokespeople for the pharmaceutical companies. You promised never to do it again. But there you were, in 2005, talking to Joe Theismann, on air, as he pushed some drug company-sponsored website on prostate health. You said nothing about about his affiliation with GlaxoSmithKline.
Wait for it, folks. I bet you could see this coming from a mile away:
Clearly, no one is keeping you honest, so I guess I'm going to have to do that job, too. $1.5 billion is spent each year by the drug companies on ads on CNN and the other four networks. I'm sure that has nothing to do with any of this.
In the end, it’s always about the money, isn’t it?
Yet, what Moore missed here is that if media are beholden to their sponsors, then all press outlets would have a pro-business, pro-corporate bias. As this clearly isn’t the case, suggesting that CNN’s critique of “Sicko” is due to ad dollars coming from pharmaceutical companies is just an attempt by Moore to alter the debate, and curry favor with his liberal fans who buy into such nonsense.
Of course, no Michael Moore rant would be complete without blaming the target of his disaffection for aiding and abetting the war in Iraq:
P.S. If you also want to apologize for not doing your job at the start of the Iraq War, I'm sure most Americans would be very happy to accept your apology. You and the other networks were willing partners with Bush, flying flags all over the TV screens and never asking the hard questions that you should have asked. You might have prevented a war. You might have saved the lives of those 3,610 soldiers who are no longer with us. Instead, you blew air kisses at a commander in chief who clearly was making it all up. Millions of us knew that -- why didn't you? I think you did. And, in my opinion, that makes you responsible for this war. Instead of doing the job the founding fathers wanted you to do -- keeping those in power honest (that's why they made it the FIRST amendment) -- you and much of the media went on the attack against the few public figures like myself who dared to question the nightmare we were about to enter. You've never thanked me or the Dixie Chicks or Al Gore for doing your job for you. That's OK. Just tell the truth from this point on.
Amazing. CNN is responsible for the war in Iraq. How delicious.
Yet, your tears of laughter might be enhanced by recognizing how Moore’s attack on CNN is emblematic of his star plummeting.
As he stated, CNN has been a huge supporter of his for years. As a result, CNN watchers are likely huge fans of Moore’s movies.
By melting down this way in front of his supporters, Moore is almost impersonating Howard Dean’s famous “I Have a Scream” speech after the Iowa caucuses in 2004.
And we all know how well that worked out for Howie.
Keep it up, Michael. In reality, this crack-up you’re having is much more entertaining than any film you’ve ever made. In fact, I’m becoming a huge fan.