Colbert Asked Katie Couric If She Got a 'New Hatchet' for Anti-Bush Hatchet Jobs

Katie Couric was a guest on Thursday night's "Colbert Report" on Comedy Central. Her answers seemed rehearsed, just as if her Hillary-hand-me-down media consultant Matthew Hiltzik prepared her for the mock-hardballs. Two questions stood out as the most insulting: whether she had a "new hatchet" for anti-Bush hatchet jobs, and which job prepared her better for the anchor desk, being a cheerleader or a sorority sister. First, the hatchet exchange:

COLBERT:  You're in -- you're in the desk. This is the -- in my opinion -- this is the news desk of news desks, CBS Evening News. Are you literally in Dan Rather's old chair? Do you sit in that chair?

COURIC: I sit in it, and I usually smell it before the show.

COLBERT: Oh, really, yes. It would be hard to hose out the Rather from the studio.

COURIC: No, I think actually they bought me a new chair.

COLBERT: Did they get you a new hatchet for the hatchet jobs you use on the administration?

COURIC: Oooooooh! (Giggles) No, we've, we retired that as well.

COLBERT: You retired the hatchet.

COURIC: Yes, we have.

Colbert then joked if it would be easier if she just did the news pretending to me a man, with a name like Cutty Couric or Coyote Couric. He also asked about her "Hi everybody" opening, which she insisted has been formalized to "Hello everyone." She thought "Good evening" was too "pretentious and portentious," and wanted something more casual. A little later, Colbert dropped his other rough question:

COLBERT: Given the range of things that you have to deal with, what do you think prepared you most for the anchor's chair? Was it, um... being a cheerleader or a sorority sister? (Laughter)

COURIC, after giggling: Ouch!

COLBERT: No, why? Don't run away from your past.

COURIC: No, I -- you know, I think probably the cheerleading because I need to boost morale at the CBS news room. And I come in and go, "Ready! Okay!" Before we do the news every night.

Colbert suggested maybe she could "lighten up" the news by spelling out words like "Atrocity."