Gushing Immaturity: A German Reporter's Workout With Barack Obama

Apparently, Bild, a newspaper in Germany, hires 14-year-old, starry-eyed, fan-girls as reporters instead of serious grownups. Or, at least one would be excused in thinking this reporter was a rock-star struck teeny bopper upon reading her gushingly immature account of having an exercise work out with Barack Obama on the German leg of his trip. This report is so obsequious, so saccharine, that it is painful to read. The whole incident is really banal and uneventful in retrospect, but this reporter builds it into orgasmic proportions showing how the press, even in Europe, have allowed hero worship to overtake even the tiniest shred of journalistic integrity.

Judith Bonesky's breathless account so overplays reality that it is sickening. Even the title shows that the writer was acting like a goofy child unable to restrain her boundless enthusiasm. Like a teenaged, Hannah Montana fan, Bonesky blurts out excitedly, "I worked out with Obama!" -- yes, even with an exclamation point at the end. So much for objective, dispassionate reporting.

The excitable girl became all tingly in hotel a gym in which Barack began his work out session. The subtitle informs us that Bonesky "met Barack all alone – in the gym!" and that she has an "incredible account of... meeting" Barack. Then Bonesky writes that a "man in a suit" approached her in the gym and mentioned that Obama would soon arrive to start his work out. And, guess what? Bonesky happily says, "half past four and he actually arrives! " (be prepared for a lot of exclamation points in this over emoted report.)

The man of eloquence and high flown feats of rhetoric overwhelmed young Bonesky with his pithy and erudite salutation upon entering the gym.

"Hi, how’s it going?“ asks Obama in his deep voice. My heart beats. "Very good, and you?" I say. Obama replies: "Very good, thank you!"

Sigh. Isn't he dreamy? Do you see how her "heart beats"?

Then she noted that not only did Obama lift a 16 kilo weight, he moved on to the 32 kilo weight.

He goes and picks up a pair of 16 kilo weights and starts curling them with his left and right arms, 30 repetitions on each side. Then, amazingly, he picks up the 32 kilo weights! Very slowly he lifts them, first 10 curls with his right, then 10 with his left. He breathes deeply in and out and takes a sip of water from his 0,5 litre Evian bottle.

Yes, more exclamation points... oh, and the bold was in her original, not my addition. Hard to believe, I know, but true.

But, wait. It got even more "incredible." Barack actually said some more incredibly, incredible and smart stuff to the gape mouthed girl. After this trembling, fangirl asked if she could take a photo of him Obama opened that gorgeous mouth and let the whisper of the angels descend onto her poor, unworthy, mortal ears.

"Of Course!" he answers, before asking my name and coming over to stand next to me.

Gosh. He said "of course!" to her. So, smart and intelligent and stuff. She'll never wash her ears again.

Then the piece de resistance:

“My name’s Judith” I reply. "I’m Barack Obama, nice to meet you!” he says, and puts his arm across my shoulder. I put my arm around his hip – wow, he didn’t even sweat! WHAT A MAN!

Yes, "he didn't even sweat! What a man!" (more exclamation points) And we can say of Judy Bonesky, what a sycophant! (that time I used my own exclamation point!!)

Has there ever been a more overwrought report? If so, I'd like to see it.