Denver Post Explains Why Many at DNC May Seem Air-Headed
The Denver Post appears to be making an attempt to head off any eventual misconceptions that Democrats at the convention will come off as slightly air-headed. 17% more air-headed to be precise.
The Mile High City, playing host to the Democratic National Convention this year, has long been famous for its thin air. With the DNC rolling into town, they may become better known for thin policies and principles instead.
As the author amply describes, the higher altitudes in Colorado result in lower levels of oxygen than at sea level. As such, Denver has 17% less oxygen. In prepping conventioneers for the change in atmosphere, the Post has done an in-depth article regarding the huffing and puffing that might occur during their visit. And that's not just because Bill Clinton will be there.
For some though, the article comes off as unintentionally funny...
Whilst reading the piece, I had difficulty wondering how the Obama energy plan would fare in the Mile High City.
What effects will thin air have on tire pressure gauges in the area?
Will properly inflated tires in Denver make it more or less likely that our country will save just as much oil as off-shore drilling?
If properly inflated tires are harder to come by in Denver, should those residents be asked to purchase oxygen credits?
Another fun statement:
Amid 17 percent less oxygen, some could gasp, but most won't get altitude sickness.
Some could gasp? I think a majority of us will be gasping every time someone tries to convince voters that Obama has the experience and ability to lead America in the next four years.
Meanwhile, some will gasp at the realization that Paris Hilton's energy plan is far more advanced than Obama's.
Another fun suggestion from the article:
Viagra boosts muscle oxygen
Erectile-disfunction drugs such as Viagra and Cialis help those going to very high altitudes by relaxing blood vessels and increasing the amount of oxygen to muscles.
I'm not sure I even want to touch this one. The suggestion of a room full of Democrats on Viagra has so many frightening overtones, one has to shudder. It's a wonder no one has extended an invitation for Client-9 to speak at the event. Oh, and we're looking at you too John Edwards!
The next set of advice from researchers is as follows:
Researchers stress that most Denver visitors will need to do nothing more than stay hydrated, avoid a 10-mile run the first day, hold off on imbibing much for the first 24 hours and not worry about shortness of breath when climbing stairs or racing for a taxi.
That initial 24 hours is going to be brutal for those hoping that a good set of beer goggles will make their candidate look a whole lot more attractive. Then again, this priceless poll shows that Obama just might make a good President based on looks alone.
Just thinking about the DNC and their presumptive nominee is making me feel, well...
a bit light-headed.