[UPDATE, 6:45PM ET: For those who only lightly skimmed or otherwise did not notice earlier, this is an April Fools Day edition of Notable Quotables. All of the quotes were made up by various MRC staffers. I hope you enjoyed the parody.]

For those of you who enjoy reading MRC’s Notable Quotables newsletter, featuring the most outrageous (and sometimes humorous) quotes in the liberal media, our latest edition has just been put online. The full text, with five matching videos, can be found at www.MRC.org; here are a few of the highlights from this issue:

An ‘A’ for America's Passenger-in-Chief

Co-host Diane Sawyer: "As we said, President Obama is in London today, his first trip to Europe since becoming President. ABC's George Stephanopoulos has been watching all of this, and is here with his report card...."
George Stephanopoulos: "Barack Obama arrived at the G-20 summit just hours ago, too soon for a real assessment of his diplomacy. But, Diane, the flight over the Atlantic was just spectacular. Our pool correspondent tells us there was very little turbulence, the food was delicious, and the view of London on the approach was magnificent. So, I'm giving the President an ‘A' for this trip — if he can keep this up over the next couple of days, it's going to be a very successful summit." — ABC's Good Morning America, April 1.

The Graceful Apologist

"President Obama quickly apologized for his quip comparing his bowling skills to those of disabled athletes. Recognizing the slip at once, Mr. Obama called the chairman of the Special Olympics, Tim Shriver, from Air Force One. ‘He apologized in a way I think was very moving,' Mr. Shriver said. Indeed, one of Obama's signature traits is an almost uncanny unflappability. From his quick recovery after misspeaking the presidential oath to graciously confessing fault over his Cabinet nominees, this President handles his mistakes with such impressive grace that one is left almost glad that he makes them." — New York Times White House correspondent Sheryl Gay Stolberg, April 1.

Tweets You Can't Beat

"It's time for ‘Twitter Watch,' where we allow you to talk about us, talking about you. DonkeyLvr7 wonders, ‘Where's the investigation into the GOP's efforts to secretly manipulate Barack Obama's NCAA tournament picks?' DNCChairTK says House Republicans are the ‘Special Olympians of Congress.' Pow! Good one, TK." — MSNBC 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue host David Shuster reading "Twitter Mail," April 1.

Commiserating with Flummoxed White House

"Top White House officials confide they feel caught in a bind. Whenever they pretend to care about the populist backlash against Wall Street, they hear it from top Democrats like Chris Dodd, who fear a loss in campaign donations. But when they try to appease the business community, the public rises up and threatens their chances to succeed in this once-in-a-generation chance to enact universal health care. Being President, it turns out, Charlie, is a lot tougher than they ever imagined when we were ridiculing Bush on the campaign trail." — ABC's George Stephanopoulos on World News, April 1.

Bill Maher Goes Down Under

"In Australia, they've come to terms with the poisonous cane toads. They stick them in freezers to die, grind them up, and use them as mulch on the sugar cane fields. Why can't we do this with our toxic homegrown pests, with all of our American ingenuity? Who wouldn't want to euthanize Dick Cheney and toss his pellets to refertilize some humanity in Iraq?" — Bill Maher on his HBO Real Time, April 1.

Admiring an Environmentalist's Principles

"We have an update of a story we first told you about two years ago. Colin Beavan won a lot of admirers for his devotion to our planet. To try and keep his carbon footprint to a bare minimum, Colin — dubbed ‘No Impact Man' — would not use modern transportation, only ate food grown close to his home, no electricity, and even no toilet paper. Last week, he came down with some sort of infection, but refused to ride in a gasoline-powered ambulance. Colin Beavan was admired by so many of us for his idealism; he was 45 years old." — Weatherman Sam Champion on ABC's Good Morning America, April 1.

Wild Thing

Chris Matthews: "Before we go, Democratic strategist Steve McMahon, there's a New York Times blogger who claims women are dreaming about having sex with Obama. Do you think that's just limited to women?"
Democratic political consultant Steve McMahon: "Uh-"
Matthews: "Sometimes, I think I'm in that movie Wild Things? Have you seen it? Pretty steamy. There's a three-way between Neve Campbell, Denise Richards and Matt Dillon....And, maybe, Neve Campbell represents America being embraced by the strong arms of Matt Dillon, who obviously represents Barack Obama....And in this scenario, I would be Denise Richards. I've often thought about the President pouring champagne over my bare chest."
— MSNBC's Hardball, April 1.

For all of the quotes in this issue, go to: www.mrc.org.

—Rich Noyes is Research Director at the Media Research Center.