CNN President Hilariously Spins Ratings Plunge

"My dog ate our ratings."

Okay, that wasn't one of the lame excuses that CNN president Jon Klein came up with to explain away that network's drastic plunge in the ratings but the ones he did dream up were equally hilarious. Try this one on for size...their low ratings can be explained away because they don't run cartoons during slow periods. The CNN hilarious excuse entertainment was provided courtesy of this Matea Gold Los Angeles Times story which first listed the ratings woes facing that network:

...the network has lost much of the gains it made during the political boom time. CNN has drawn an average of 932,000 viewers in prime time this year, down 25% compared with the same point last year, according to Nielsen.

The trend has worsened as the year has progressed. In October, it recorded its smallest audience of the year, barely edging out its sister network HLN to avoid placing fourth in the key 25- to 54-year-old demographic in prime time. (Among total viewers, CNN still beat MSNBC across all programming, but placed a distant second to Fox News.)

...CNN is even feeling the slump on nights when it is expected to dominate. On Tuesday, it placed fourth with its election coverage, attracting just 826,000 viewers in prime time. Fox News had more than 4 million, while MSNBC drew 974,000 and HLN (which didn't cover the election) had 842,000.

Initially CNN tries to pretend that it really isn't that concerned with their ratings as they go into a "What, Me Worry?" mode:

Network executives insist that they are not alarmed by the drop-off, noting that prime time makes up just 10% of the revenue of CNN Worldwide, which continues to enjoy profit growth.

But how to explain away that disturbing ratings plunge? This could be embarrassing (and hilarious):

Still, after crowing about its ratings victories last year, CNN is now in the awkward position of trying to explain why its declining audience is not an issue.

And now the ratings excuses comedy entertainment begins as performed by CNN president Klein starting with the cartoons routine:

"We are not going to try to boost numbers during fallow news periods by running cartoons, as our competitors do," Klein said. "We're going to cover the news and we'll attract an ever more loyal audience as the result of it."

So if CNN broadcasts reruns of "The Flintstones" that is somehow going to help? Sorry for the interruption, Jon. Keep on coming up with funny excuses. You're on a roll:

"They are in a completely different business than we are," he added. "We are not putting out the same product as they are. And we shouldn't be compared to them on that account."

Huh? Fox News Channel is in the business of broadcasting news? So what is the purpose of CNN. Harvesting lemons? Here comes the rimshot from Fox News:

"Jon's correct: It's unfair to compare CNN to Fox News," said Fox News spokeswoman Dana Klinghoffer. "Based on his network's dismal ratings, it's more accurate to compare CNN to the G4 channel."

Bada-BING!

And now a Jon Klein straight line:

Klein said CNN advances the stories it focuses on. "We don't wallow in sensationalism," he said.

The punchline from Matea Gold delivering comedy gold:

CNN also devoted substantial coverage this summer to the death of Michael Jackson. In the two months following his death in late June, the story was the second most-covered topic in prime time on CNN, taking up 17% of the airtime, according to the Project for Excellence in Journalism's News Coverage Index. MSNBC devoted 9% of its airtime to Jackson and Fox News spent 6% of its time on the topic.

 Bada-BOOM!

An encore from comedian Klein:

"We don't wallow in sensationalism."