Your humble correspondent has frequently pointed out how incredibly dull his hometown newspaper, the Fort Lauderdale Sun-Sentinel, has become. Well, it appears that the online Sun-Sentinel is now desperately trying to counteract its dull and stuffy image by going overboard in publishing cheesecake photos. Specifically cheesecake photos of Hollywood actress Megan Fox. In the current Sun-Sentinel edition, Megan Fox photos are featured not just once, but twice on the front page. Just click on the picture links of Megan Fox on the front page and you are presented with a grand total of 72 photos of the heavily tattooed actress.
The first Megan Fox photo link is titled, Beauty Fades? Megan Fox's worst pictures. Click on the cheesecake link and it leads to a Megan Fox photo gallery with this penetrating commentary by Elizabeth Snead:
It's always interesting to look back at old photos of actresses to see how their look has changed over the years.
Except when it comes to Megan Fox.
We scoured the voluminous Megan Fox photo archives which go all the way back to 2006 to find the worst and most embarrassing photos of the woman bent on becoming Angelina Jolie's action babe movie replacement .
The results are slightly disappointing. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find an unflattering photo of this unceasingly and insanely beautiful creature?
Nigh on impossible.
Check out the gallery and see what you think.
As part of my job I thoroughly checked out both the Megan Fox galleries and it was far from impossible to find unflattering photos of Megan Fox. In fact it was quite easy. Every photo of Fox covered with her ugly tattoos are highly unflattering and since she has so many of those markings all over her body, they are impossible to miss. What makes it worse, they are the ugliest of tattoos: the ones with long obscure quotes of supposedly profound thoughts whose purpose is to make the wearer appear intellectual.
So what does the cheesecake caption author have to say about Fox's ugly tattoos? Overlooking their bizarre ugliness, it is all complimentary as you can see in photo #20 in the gallery (remember I had to thoroughly research this):
Fox gives great back. Plus we never get tired of reading her “We will all laugh at gilded butterflies” tattoo, an obscure reference to Shakespeare’s “King Lear.”
Yeah, well I got tired of reading it the moment I saw it. Those ugly tattoos are matched by Fox's ugly comments about them as recorded on this website:
Every time I get a tattoo, it's a little f--k-you to anyone who tells me not to. I like the way getting a tattoo feels. It's weird to be part of Hollywood, which tries to control every aspect of people, from what they say to the color of their hair. And I like the way getting a tattoo feels. If I'm depressed, it's nice to get one and deal with the pain. I have one all the way down to my ribs. It hurt, but it felt good like twisting a loose tooth. I'm not kidding when I say that if I ever lose a role because of my tattoos, I'll quit Hollywood and go to work at Costco. Everyone hates them because people are so closed-minded about tattoos.
...That's something I have found. People who don't like me as far as fans go, always talk about how I'm trashy because I have tattoos. I find that insane. This is 2008 not 1950. Tattoos aren't limited to sailors.
Keep in mind that it was the same tattoo-covered Megan Fox who made this quote of what she would say in negotiations with real life Transformers if they invaded the earth as noted by Leigh Scott of NewsBusters:
...instead of the entire planet, can you just take out all of the white trash, hillbilly, anti-gay, super bible-beating people in Middle America?
Scott also had this astute observation in regard to Megan Fox:
I noticed how the guys who constantly bragged about their sexual prowess really didn’t do too well. The guys who were discrete, never bragged, never felt the need to prove anything, had a steady stream of attractive dates and girlfriends. The braggarts would spend their weekends regaling in tales of three ways and sex with strippers while drinking forty-ouncers and challenging each other to games of “Street Fighter” on the Super NES.
The same goes for intelligence. When you feel compelled to tell the world how smart you are, how intellectual your positions are, how deep your education runs, the sad truth is that you probably aren’t that bright.
BINGO! And to prove just how clueless Megan Fox is, she actually got herself tattooed with the name of "Brian" in honor of her former boyfriend, Brian Austin Green. So how likely is it that a jaded Hollywood actress would eventually break up with her boyfriend, rendering that tattoo an embarrassment? Somewhere between absolutely certain and a 100% probability which is exactly what did happen.
However, her cluelessness didn't end there. Let's see. You simply must have a permanent tattoo so shouldn't you be a bit careful about who you have apply it to you? Well, here is Megan describing one of her tattoo artists and the disaster that followed:
The guy was smoking weed while he tattooed me and he didn't do it correctly. Now it's nothing and I'm gonna get it removed. I was told he was a really amazing tattoo artist but he wasn't on his game that night. He was distracted.
Perhaps the strong smell emanating from that green weed he was smoking should have been a giveaway.
So do you get the idea now that maybe Megan Fox is not exactly the brightest bulb in the universe? However, is she any less clueless than the Sun-Sentinel for thinking that going overboard on Megan Fox cheesecake photos is going to turn around its dismal numbers in terms of readers?
Oh, and if must know, here is the link to the additional set of 50 Megan Fox cheesecake photos: The American hottie in pictures. Remember, looking at them is for informational purposes only to understand how the Sun-Sentinel is exploiting cheesecake photos. Got it?