It seems that New York Times writer Patrick Healy has a big fascination with the word "penis." He uses it over and over and over again in his article about how actor Will Ferrell exposes a projected penis on stage in his play, "You're Welcome, America. A Final Night With George W. Bush." The New York Times must be really desperate if they have to resort to "penis" overuse to get their member circulation up. I wouldn't be a bit surprised if Healy's story conference with the Theater section editors resembled a certain scene from the movie, "Porky's." When reading Healy's penis article you might think he is also working for Hustler magazine as well as the Times:

So far six audience members have stormed out midperformance of the Broadway show “You’re Welcome America. A Final Night with George W Bush,” the comedian Will Ferrell’s lampooning of the 43rd president, according to those keeping count at the Cort Theater. But they haven’t been leaving after a particular Ferrell quip.

They’ve been standing up, instead, after the projection of a supersize photo on the backdrop of the stage. A photo of a penis. Specifically, as Mr. Ferrell (who plays President Bush) leads the audience to believe, the president’s penis. Except that’s not quite right.

“It’s an anonymous but age-appropriate public domain Internet penis,” said Adam McKay, the play’s director. “We went on the Web and got a penis.”

We'll remember that valuable information. When hunting for a penis on the Web, always look for an "anonymous but age-appropriate public domain Internet penis." No other penis will suffice.

“It’s not the president’s penis, as far as I know, and Will is 41, so we weren’t going to use his,” Mr. McKay added. “What I do know is that the photo gets one of the great shrieks of delight from the audience, and it’s also the one moment that is followed by people walking out.”

I doubt anyone can differentiate such age differences in penises. Perhaps the issue was a matter of size. Is Will Ferrell hiding something?

The idea of using the image of a nonerect penis originated one day in rehearsals, Mr. McKay said. The script, by Mr. Ferrell, draws partly on Mr. Bush’s past statements, and the two men were remarking on the former president’s comment that he had enjoyed being “a free man” before he entered the White House.

“We were joking that now that he was out of office, he could do whatever he wants,” Mr. McKay said, “and so I said, ‘Let’s have him show his own penis,’ and Ferrell was like, ‘O.K.’ ”

“He is a frat boy, a big party guy, and you could imagine him doing this,” Mr. McKay added, describing Mr. Bush, who is 63. “Though I want to make clear I’m not blaming the president for our very bad taste.”

But that didn't stop Mr. McKay from using that anonymous penis for cheap laughs despite the "very bad taste."

No surprise, the play has been a major draw for New York liberals. The production, which largely features Mr. Ferrell doing the Bush character he made famous on “Saturday Night Live” on NBC, has been playing to near capacity at the Cort Theater, which has more than 1,000 seats, since it began previews on Inauguration Day. It is scheduled to run through March 15, and will be presented live on HBO next month.

Oh goody! That means that liberals outside of New York like, say, Barney Frank can watch closely when the play appears on HBO.

Mr. McKay said he did not have legal concerns about defaming Mr. Bush with the image, or about using someone’s penis in an unauthorized way.

Warning! Warning! Unauthorized penis! Do they have something like facial recognition software for that part of the anatomy yet? Or can it be traced to the source via fingerprints?

The former president’s spokesman, Robert Saliterman, declined to comment on Friday when asked about the use of the photo. 

Sorry, but this lame play grasping for cheap laughs in a pathetic attempt to humiliate George W. Bush can never come close to matching the great comedy of "Porky's." Oh, and in your next "penis" story Mr. Healy, could you please substitute the word "tallywhacker" instead?

—P.J. Gladnick is a freelance writer and creator of the DUmmie FUnnies blog.