Northeast Public Radio CEO Makes Unintentionally Hilarious Case for Caroline Kennedy
The most important thing to remember when reading this Berkshire Eagle article, "Making the case for Caroline Kennedy," by WAMC Northeast Public Radio CEO, Alan Chartock, is that it was not meant as satire. However, Chartock's reasons for appointing Caroline Kennedy as senator from New York come off as absolutely hilarious even though he is trying to be completely serious. So enjoy the bellylaughs from inadvertent comedian Chartock (emphasis mine):
...Respectfully, I think David Paterson would be dumb not to appoint Kennedy. Here's my reasoning: She is fabulously wealthy. Some guesstimates have her in the $500 million range. She owns a considerable chunk of Martha's Vineyard beach front, and she is one of the most popular New Yorkers.
Yeah, that is really going to appeal to people in economically troubled upstate New York. Caroline is "fabulously wealthy" and "owns a considerable chunk of Martha's Vineyard." Chartock continues with his laugh lines:
So let's just say that you were David Paterson and had to run for your own term in 2010. Wouldn't you want to run with someone who would attract a lot of voters who wanted a chance to touch a piece of history? Wouldn't you want to be the running mate of the woman whose father was a martyred president, whose uncle was a martyred Senator from New York and whose other uncle just may be the most admired man in the United States Senate? She clearly would bring both money and voters to the electoral process.
Chartock makes it sound here that by appointing Caroline Kennedy to the Senate it is like getting an antique piece of history like owning one of those gold coins from the sunken S.S. Central America.
The woman is hardly stupid. Look at the blood lines and at her law degree from Columbia and compare her to some of the lightweights in Congress, like Gary Ackerman, who have been trying to bring her down.
Hey Chartock, is Governor Paterson looking to appoint a senator or selecting a race horse based on "blood lines?" I can just picture Paterson with his fingers in Caroline's mouth checking to see the condition of her teeth. Oh, and even if Caroline is stupid it won't matter. Her money and fame can attract a top quality staff:
And, of course, let's remember that the Democrats in the Congress would love having her there. Do you really think that any senator — I mean any senator — would not take Caroline's phone calls? Do you really think that she wouldn't hire the best staff that money can buy just as her Uncle Bobby and father John did when they were in the Senate? Do you really think that the best and the brightest minds in America wouldn't leave their teaching posts at Harvard, Yale and Hunter to staff her office and give her the best advice possible?
Chartock finishes his comedy act with a warning to Governor Paterson:
Nope, if Paterson blows it, it will be the biggest mistake of his political life.
And if Paterson gives the reasons that Chartock has delivered in his inadvertent comedy routine for choosing Caroline Kennedy then that would be the biggest mistake of his political life since he would turn himself into a national laughingstock. And thanks for the laughs, Alan. Your humble correspondent has already contacted his friend, Jamie Masada of the Laugh Factory, and arranged for you to bypass the open mike audition night and go straight to a regular comedy act. Your routine will keep the audience in stitches.