HuffPo Blogger: 'Is Obama Now Going to Let Himself Get Moosed by a Parochial Alaskan?'

Your humble correspondent would like to thank Huffington Post blogger, Benjamin R. Barber, for giving him a hearty bellylaugh this morning for conjuring up the image of a traumatized Barack Obama getting "moosed" by Sarah Palin. However, on the way to delivering that comedy line, Barber, who is described in his HuffPo bio as a "democratic theorist" who authored a book (ranked #254,970 on Amazon) with the long winded title of  "Consumed: How Markets Corrupt Children, Infantilize Adults, and Swallow Citizens Whole," provides us with a bunch of other laughs in his blog (emphasis mine):

It seems forever since the Democrats completed their triumphant Convention in Denver with its Obama/Biden/Clinton/Kennedy unity ticket and its intoxicating sense of take-it-to-the-finish line momentum. What happened? Not Sarah Palin. How could a small-time Alaska mayor and first term Governor derail the Obama freight train? No it was not Sarah Palin but the extraordinary reaction to McCain's wildly irresponsible decision to make her his running mate that seems to have paralyzed the Party.

So John McCain made a really wise decision to choose Sarah Palin as his running mate. Maybe from the viewpoint of a "democratic theorist" this was a "wildly irresponsible decision" but if you are an evil conservative that pick sounds like pure genius since, according to Barber, it "seems to have paralyzed" the Democrat party. 

Something about Palin scrambled the otherwise steady nerves of the Obama campaign. As if they were believing everything she was saying. Assuming that the Republican base was the country and hence thinking her success at her Convention there would be replicated nationally. (Did you see the face of that convention? Is that really the face of America?) Afraid to be accused of sexism (ironic after how it disposed of Hillary); or of unwarranted anger (Obama sometimes seems like Governor Dukakis, unwilling to rise to the bait even when it would be politically smart to do so).

Thanks for that hilarious image of the Obama campaign suddenly  getting completely unnerved the moment Palin was chosen by McCain. Did that campaign with the "otherwise steady nerves" hit the floor and helplessly suck their thumbs in the fetal position at the very thought of opposing Palin?

She is a successful and politically smart woman, but she is also a right wing extremist who tried to delete books she didn't approve of from the town library where she was mayor and tried to fire the librarian when that didn't work; who is a creationist and, like the current occupant of the White House, who has little use for science, whether it is the science of evolution or the science of global warming; who never had a passport until last year when she visited her National Guard troops in Kuwait. Otherwise a stranger to the world in which America must make its way.

So how many books were banned by Palin? None. How many librarians were fired by Palin? None. All Palin did, as mayor of Wasilla, was ask the town librarian about what process could be used to ban a book. Would anybody want a book on how to make a bomb in their library? No book names were mentioned by Palin but the left took a list of all books banned in the past hundred years and made it seem like Palin wanted to ban all of them. And speaking of banning books, how many books by conservatives are hidden by leftwing chain bookstore clerks to keep them from "polluting" the minds of innocents? There have been plenty of reports on that kind of activity.

Okay, folks, I know you've been waiting patiently for the classic comedy line about Obama getting "moosed" by Sarah Palin so without further ado, here is that money quote:

Dukakis was skewered by twisted stories about rapists and released prisoners because he wanted to appear reasonable. War hero Kerry got swift-boated by men who never served in the military. Is Obama now going to let himself get moosed by a parochial Alaskan know-nothing because she's a woman?

So will "swift-boated" soon be replaced by "moosed?"  It sounds so much more modern that that outdated "swift-boated" which is so 2004. 

We're not done yet. To quote Ron Popeil: "But wait, there's more!" Benjamin Barber leaves us laughing in our seats as he exits stage left with an hilarious comparison of John McCain to Michael Vick:

In other words, it is not the pit-bull in lipstick but the man who unleashed her who bears the responsibility. Michael Vick went to prison for turning his pit-bulls loose on others. I'm not recommending putting McCain in jail, just keeping him and his snarling (or is that a smile?) running mate out of the White House. Your move, Senator Obama.

Will we now have to send royalty payments to  Benjamin Barber every time we use the term "moosed?" Thanks for the laughs, Ben!