Leno: 'Hope Everybody Went Out Today and Hugged a Veteran - Unless Your Name Is Paula Broadwell'
Not surprisingly, NBC Tonight Show host Jay Leno made a lot of jokes about David Petraeus Monday evening.
He began a series of them during his opening monologue by saying, "Hope everybody went out today and hugged a veteran - unless your name is Paula Broadwell" (video follows with transcript and commentary):
JAY LENO: Hope everybody went out today and hugged a veteran - unless your name is Paula Broadwell. Then you shouldn't be hugging a veteran. [Light laughter]
Well, it's now being reported that the woman General Petraeus was having the affair with was his biographer, Paula Broadwell. [Light laughter] That's a great name, isn't it? Doesn't that sound like a spy from one of the James Bond movies? “Mr. Petraeus, this is Paula Broadwell and her German friend, Heidi Assengrabben." [Laughter] Sounds like Paula Broadwell. [Cheers and applause]
Well, that is the big story, the head of the CIA, and former general David Petraeus has resigned because of an extramarital affair. [Audience oohs] Well, you know how he found out that his wife knew? When he got home and saw all his classified documents in the driveway on fire. [Laughter] “Honey, honey, but let me explain."
Yeah this is quite a story. This journalist, this Broadwell woman, met Petraeus in Afghanistan in 2006 when she was embedded with his unit and then later - [Laughter] Don't get ahead of me on these! - [Laughter] – Later, of course, she was embedded with his unit. That’s another deal. [Light laughter]
I've got to understand, I never understood that whole surge thing until now. That's what they were talking about. [Audience oohs] That's the surge.
You know, it's amazing that Petraeus got caught because you'd think as head of the CIA, it would be easy to cheat, right? I mean, you come home late, the wife goes, "Where have you been?" "I'm sorry, honey, that's classified. I would have to kill you if I told you, I'm sorry."
It seems a metaphysical certitude this story is going to be fodder for comedians for a long time.