Comedian and radio talk show host Dennis Miller tore into a caller Thursday for accusing him of hating Democrats.
When Miller gave "Dave from Ohio" the chance to back away from his accusation, things got even more heated (video follows with transcribed highlights and commentary):
After some introductory pleasantries, Dave prefaced his question by saying, “I agree with you about the servicemen and how you praise them for saving our country, for, you know, for keeping us safe every day.”
He continued, “With you being so Republican and hating the Democrats.”
This didn’t sit well with Miller who struck back, “Hey, hey, wait. I got to stop you there. Come on. You listen to this show and you think I hate the Democrats? You think I’m so Republican?”
Dave answered, “It appears that way.”
“Nah, you’re not listening, Dave,” responded Miller. “That’s not fair of you. There are very few things that piss me off, but don’t say, ‘You are so Republican and you hate Democrats.’ That’s crap.”
“I said it appears that way,” Dave replied.
“Well, you’re wrong, pal,” said Miller. “I’m conservative on some things. I’m liberal on other things. I don’t have hate in my life, and I don’t appreciate you calling up and codifying me like that.”
Miller told Dave that he could continue with his question, but that he was skeptical.
“My question is,” said Dave, “if you found out these servicemen are Democrats, would you still have the same respect?”
That completely set Miller off.
“I’m talking about politicians,” replied Miller. “Of course I would. Do you mind if I hang on to your call? Because you’re one of the biggest morons I’ve had on.”
“I’m telling you you’re one of the most moronic callers I’ve ever had,” continued Miller. “How does that feel? Are you good with that? Are you happy with that? Does it bug you at all, or do you think, ‘Maybe I misplayed that?’”
Dave continued with his defense by saying, “I said it appears.”
Miller responded by asking, “What is it about your life that is making you call guys who are reasonably measured – forget how I am right now because you kind of lit my fuse – reasonably measured, and starting off with a sentence, ‘You’re heavily Republican and hate Democrats?’ What kind of life are you leading that that’s what you’re taking away? Is that how you’re going about your daily business?”
“Do you hate our president?” asked Dave.
“No I don’t hate our president,” replied Miller. “How many times do I have to say that? I think he’s inept. Does that mean hate in your head?”
“Listen,” continued Miller, “I don’t come close to hate in my life except for very few people. Now you’re not even near it. But can I tell you, I disrespect you about as immensely as I disrespected anybody who called this show. I think you’re a limited thinker. I think you deal in jive. I think you say things and then a minute later when somebody points out how idiotic it is you start backpedaling off it.”
“If you’re going to call here and start a conversation with me and say, ‘You’re a Republican who hates Democrats,’ what am I to do?” asked Miller. “Am I to say, ‘Oh, okay, that’s Dave in Ohio, he’s smart?’ Or am I to think, ‘God, what a hackneyed, tired, unimaginative guy this is?’”
With that, Miller cut Dave off the line and continued, “I’m sorry, lit my fuse. I don’t like being accused of hating Democrats. It’s not that simplistic. Do I hate Barack Obama? No. How many times have I said I don’t hate Barack Obama? Is he crappy at his job? Of course he’s crappy at his job. If any of us were that crappy at our job, would we have been fired somewhere in the interim three and three quarters years? Of course we would.”
“And as far as the Republican thing,” Miller continued, “yeah, I have major conservative leanings on certain issues. On social issues, folks I’m telling you, if two people want to get married – I know people are going to hate me for this – I’m happy when people get married when they’re in love. If somebody wants to have an abortion, it’s a cosmic decision. I don’t agree with it, but it’s not my position to make those calls.”
Miller concluded his rant, “Don’t just call in and start a thing codifying me down into the basest terms that you’re stupid little brain in Ohio can figure out, pal, and expect me to eat your crap and then act like we’re friends at the end of the call.”
After a breath, Miller said, “Oh, that felt good. I used to pay a shrink 200 bucks an hour to say that.”
One imagines Dave from Ohio won’t be calling Dennis up any time soon.