Wednesday Funnies: TIME Introduces New Magazine - This One For Adults

The folks at The Onion took on Time magazine Tuesday and did so in a fashion that will put a smile on many conservative faces.

"Readers who grew up loving the magazine's bright, glossy photos, news by the numbers, and simple to understand stories will now be able to graduate to 'Time Advanced,'" reported mock newscaster Damon Werner.

"While kids love Time for its fun articles about litter and new kinds of dinosaurs, managing editor Kerry Larson explains that 'Time Advanced' will look to distinguish itself with carefully researched, long-form journalism in a smaller, adult-sized font," he continued. 

NewsBusters readers will especially like the marvelous Joe Klein bashing at the end (video follows with transcript and commentary):


TIME Announces New Version Of Magazine Aimed At Adults

DAMON WERNER: Publishers of Time magazine announced that they'll soon be releasing a new version of their magazine for adults. Readers who grew up loving the magazine's bright, glossy photos, news by the numbers, and simple to understand stories will now be able to graduate to "Time Advanced." Instead of Time's breezy, kid-friendly summaries, "Advanced" boasts a more mature tone aimed at an audience ready for grown-up news. While kids love Time for its fun articles about litter and new kinds of dinosaurs, managing editor Kerry Larson explains that "Time Advanced" will look to distinguish itself with carefully researched, long-form journalism in a smaller, adult-sized font.

KERRY LARSON (MOCK TIME EDITOR): Time is and always will be a magazine for children. "Time Advanced," however, is for more sophisticated readers who prefer book reviews that don't just tell you whether to read, skim, or toss that newest book on climate change.

WERNER: Educators have long praised Time for making current events accessible to kids with short attention spans and growing vocabularies. Building on that reputation while producing content fit for readers old enough to drive a car will be key to the new venture's success.

DAVID MERRELL, FORMER MOCK TIME MAGAZINE READER (MAYBE 10 YEARS OLD): I used to think Time was cool, but I guess I kind of grew out of it. I mean, none of my friends want to read a bunch of out of touch trend pieces about virginity pledges.

ANNE HARDING, MOCK TIME READER (MAYBE FIVE YEARS OLD): Time is my favorite. They always talk about Lady Gaga and the changing face of depression in America.

WERNER: Larson assured loyal fans that regular Time remains committed to fun journalism for kids with all the colorful info (?) and neat stories about Taylor Swift as one of the 100 people who most affect or world. But the company's change in focus to adult views has led to some shake-ups at the venerable children's publication. Richard Sherman, who has written columns as the beloved children's character Joe Klein, is leaving the magazine to join the cast of the PBS show "Dragonfly TV."

Smiles all around.

Noel Sheppard
Noel Sheppard
Noel Sheppard, Associate Editor of NewsBusters, passed away in March of 2014.