O'Reilly: Most Everybody At MSNBC Would Be Dead If Cheney Really Had Sy Hersh's 'Assassination Squad'

Fox New's Bill O'Reilly has a fabulous response to Seymour Hersh's most-recent conspiracy theory about former Vice President Dick Cheney having an executive assassination squad responsible for covertly wiping out America's enemies:

If Cheney really had such a crew, Hersh would have been dead a long time ago, and so would most everybody at MSNBC.

So wrote O'Reilly in a fabulously tongue-in-cheek column Sunday entitled "Coming Soon to a Lefty Rag Near You."

In it, "The Factor" host marvelously skewered left-wing media outlets that are destined in the coming months to offer up "all kinds of horror stories...about alleged Bush-Cheney atrocities" designed to "deflect attention from present-day problems and provide liberal thinkers with the intense indignation they so desperately need":

Newsweek will report that Bernard Madoff has told unidentified friends that it was George W. Bush who actually forced him to develop the $65 billion Ponzi scheme that ruined thousands of people. Friends of Bernie say he was ready to be an honest broker until Bush came to him in a dream and urged him to commit massive financial fraud. [...]

The New York Times [NYT] will run a Page One story saying that after the Iraqi shoe guy embarrassed Bush in Baghdad, the president himself waterboarded the man and kept him tied up in a cold room while looping excerpts from Wolf Blitzer’s program at high sound levels. The Times, citing unidentified sources close to the footwear industry, will allege the shoe guy gave up bad information because torture never works.

Vanity Fair magazine, in between pictures of Lindsay Lohan partying in Baja, will present a most startling scenario: It was Cheney who contaminated peanut butter with salmonella because, according to anonymous sources speaking only to VF, the VP had “had it” with the kids.

Finally, Will Ferrell will star in a new movie called “Crawford Nights: The Ballad of Dickie/Georgie.” In this film directed by Oliver Stone, it will be purported that the real head of the Cali drug cartel was Bush, with Cheney as consigliere. The screenplay, written by Sean Penn and Jessica Alba, is being closely guarded, but word is it will portray Cheney as the guy who provided Michael Phelps with the substance-filled bong.

How delicious.

Of course, in the coming days we should expect O'Reilly to take a great deal of heat for his opening quip concerning Hersh and MSNBC, and for me to similarly be defamed by all manner of left-wing shill for having the nerve to repeat it.

That said, readers who can stand it should review Hersh's most-recent conspiracy theory to truly understand the level of insanity and delusion not only being espoused by the left, but also being devoured like the finest champagne and caviar.

*****Update: The shills over at ThinkProgress have already proved me right with an update about yours truly. As a result, I'm already starting to get hate e-mail messages such as the following:

It figures that a mindless yutz such as you from a propaganda site such as Newsbusters would find redeeming value in anything that FOX News's Ted Baxter utters.

Amazingly stupid comments from Bill O'Reilly are routine, and so is the wink and a nod when it comes to insinuating violence against anybody not on the right. Bernie Goldberg knows a thing or two about that.

What is it with you fringe right-wingers that causes your type to embrace violence so?  

You people are fun to watch, though. Your unintentional humor is priceless.