Sunday Funnies: Al Gore Says 'Global Warming Has Fried My Brain'

Since Nobel Laureate Al Gore first started his campaign to frighten people into thinking they're destroying the planet every time they drive their cars, climate realists around the world have wondered just how much of the global warming myth the former Vice President actually believes.

On Sunday, syndicated columnist Jay Ambrose, in a satirical piece entitled "A Gore Confession," might have identified the really inconvenient truth at the heart of the matter: "the warming has fried [Gore's] brain."

Fortunately for us, that was just the delicious appetizer (emphasis added throughout):

Al Gore today said his irresponsible lies blaming global warming for every catastrophe to occur on Earth in the past few years were themselves a consequence of global warming, and warned that if we don't want more people like him mouthing off, we had better cut back soon on carbon emissions.

"The warming has fried my brain," Gore said, adding that he had totally lost control of his tongue, which wags mendaciously at every opportunity.

"Why, not so long ago, I was arguing in my Oscar-winning movie that we would have oceans rising 20 feet within the very near future, only I failed to explain what I meant by 'very near future.' I meant within a couple of thousand years. I should have modified the phrase better. [...]

"But listen," he said, his eyes narrowing and a look of sincere smugness crossing his face, "none of this means I am wrong on the big issue, which is that greenhouse gases are causing everything to become unbelievably hot. Our only hope is to cut back on energy usage per capita to a level about like we had a couple of centuries ago. If we don't do this, at some tiny sacrifice in the way of giving up most of what we call modernity and some millions starving here and there, you will have more people like me. You will have people whose brains have been cooked and whose capacity for a realistic, honest sense of balance has been utterly destroyed.

"You will have people refusing to admit that what's actually happening doesn't fit their assumptions and engaging in ad hominem attacks on any scientist with differing explanations from their own. You will have people predicting sweeping illnesses, famine and more and calling for solutions that will give us sweeping illnesses, famine and more, much as ethanol is now causing hunger in the world. So get with it, do you hear me? Good heavens, get with it!"

Here my report ends, and with it a confession for anyone who didn't catch on: I made up the Gore confession. His global alarmism made me do it.

Bravo, Jay! Bravo.

Noel Sheppard
Noel Sheppard
Noel Sheppard, Associate Editor of NewsBusters, passed away in March of 2014.