Whole Foods Shoppers Say the Funniest Things

Whole Foods shoppers, many of whom probably form Bernie Sanders' base, can unintentionally say some of the funniest things. This humor comes from their "bobo" background. "Bobo" is a word coined by New York Times columnist David Brooks as an abreviation of the words "bourgeois" and "bohemian" although a more accurate description would be "bolshevik" and "bohemian." In any event, they are so noted for the outlandish things they say that there is even a Facebook page called Overheard at Wholefoods. The wildest of the overheard quotes were compiled  by the RealClear website. 

Sometimes even bobos have religious experiences although it can be markedly different from other people as indicated by this quote:

"I would have taken communion today at a wedding, but they didn't offer a gluten-free Body of Christ option."

Whole Foods shoppers can also be quite proud of their children:

"She's a witch in training. She's been reading crystals since she was 2. She's 8 now."

Milk can be good but only certain kinds:

"Whaaaaaat! You don't sell camel milk!?"

A yummy substitute ingredient is suggested:

"We basically made pina coladas but instead of rum we put in kale.."

Imagine a starving person in the third world who finds out he won't be getting some highly desirable meat because of certain concern by a Whole Foods shopper expressed in this incident:

I was waiting in line at Whole Foods and the cashier asked the woman in front of me if she'd like to donate $1 to a world hunger organisation.

"Do they give the people meat?" She asked. "Because I'm a vegan. I don't believe in people eating meat, so I wouldn't want to donate if these people were being given meat."

Oh, and when it comes to donating to the hungry kids at Whole Foods, the charity shaming of the character of Randy was brilliantly satirized on South Park as you can see in the video below or you can see the longer version here.

But wait, there's more! The next time Randy enters Whole Foods he asks the cashier to skip the part about asking to donate to the hungry kids so as not to be charity shamed again. Here is how that worked out.

Keep in mind that although there can be goofy people shopping at Whole Foods, not all of them are that way. In addition, the CEO of Whole Foods, John Mackey, committed the liberal heresy of writing an op-ed daring to criticize Obamacare. Many customers threatened to boycott Whole Foods but now that Obamacare is burdening everybody with high premiums and even higher deductible, perhaps even the bobos have by now figured it is better to continue shopping at that store than to make an issue over an unpopular government program.

 

 

P.J. Gladnick
P.J. Gladnick
P.J. Gladnick is a freelance writer and creator of the DUmmie FUnnies blog.