In the first of unfortunately two shows for the week, TBS’s Full Frontal host Samantha Bee compared the substance of the 2016 Republican National Convention (RNC) platform to views held by the Westboro Baptist Church and took predictable shots smearing Indiana Republican Governor Mike Pence as anti-woman and backward thinking.
Barely three minutes into the show, Bee mocked those who put together the party’s platform as nothing but old, white church elders: “Now, of course, before a convention can start, the party has to decide what they believe, which they apparently do by locking a bunch of cranky church elders in a room, turning off the air conditioning and asking them, who should go to hell?”
CNN’s Michael Smerconish then appeared in a clip from his eponymous Saturday morning show relaying that “[t]he GOP platform went ultra conservative on family values, same-sex marriage, and gender-neutral bathrooms.”
Bee reappeared and in the smart aleck, condescending attitude, ruled that such rhetoric (as opposed to any other aspect) was “the Republican Party’s suicide note” and she encouraged viewers to not read the platform.
Instead, she offered “the CliffNotes version” which served as a picture of what presumably was a member of the Westboro Baptist Church posing with their trademark sign reading “God Hates Fags.”
Shifting gears a few minutes later to Pence, she applied what one could call the CliffNotes version that Democrats would hand out to voters and friendly members of the media. Bee started the riff by joking that he “was loaned out from Republican central casting to play the Governor of Indiana.”
“A state known primarily for its stupid number of time zones, it's 10:30 in Indianapolis, 9:30 in Gary and 1952 everywhere thanks to Pence. If you're a Lady Hoosier, you may recognize him as the governor who inspected your productive organs every 30 days to make sure you weren't using them in a way that would make Jesus sad,” Bee bemoaned.
Of course, Bee continued by hounding Pence’s pro-life and traditional marriage credentials with more cartoonish absurdities [emphasis mine]:
Among his greatest hits, Pence signed a law requiring funerals for fetuses after an abortion or miscarriage. The law was blocked by a federal judge, but not before Pence had closed down every abortion clinic not equipped with a full compliment funeral bagpipers, you know, for the woman’s safety. In Pence’s state, having a miscarriage could land you in jail for 20 years, so if you’re driving through Indiana and the contractions start, cross your legs and don't stop till you're in Chicago! Throw in the hit taxpayers took for the anti-LGBT crusade plus a general reputation for incompetence and the governor isn't exactly beloved in his own state.
The relevant portions of the transcript from TBS’s Full Frontal with Samantha Bee on July 18 can be found below.
TBS’s Full Frontal with Samantha Bee
July 18, 2016
10:33 p.m. Eastern
SAMANTHA BEE: Now, of course, before a convention can start, the party has to decide what they believe, which they apparently do by locking a bunch of cranky church elders in a room, turning off the air conditioning and asking them, who should go to hell?
MICHAEL SMERCONISH [on CNN’s Smerconish, 07/16/16]: The GOP platform went ultra conservative on family values, same-sex marriage, and gender-neutral bathrooms.
BEE: It's not so much a platform as it is the Republican Party’s suicide note. If you don’t want to read it and believe me, you don’t, here’s the CliffNotes version. [PICTURE OF WESTBORO BAPTIST CHURCH MEMBER WITH SIGN] You'll pass the quiz!
(....)
10:36 p.m. Eastern
BEE: Mike Pence was loaned out from Republican central casting to play the Governor of Indiana. A state known primarily for its stupid number of time zones. It's 10:30 in Indianapolis, 9:30 in Gary and 1952 everywhere thanks to Pence. If you're a Lady Hoosier, you may recognize him as the governor who inspected your productive organs every 30 days to make sure you weren't using them in a way that would make Jesus sad. He’s basically the reason Brooklyn is full of Midwesterners. Among his greatest hits, Pence signed a law requiring funerals for fetuses after an abortion or miscarriage. The law was blocked by a federal judge, but not before Pence had closed down every abortion clinic not equipped with a full compliment funeral bagpipers, you know, for the woman’s safety. In Pence’s state, having a miscarriage could land you in jail for 20 years, so if you’re driving through Indiana and the contractions start, cross your legs and don't stop till you're in Chicago! Throw in the hit taxpayers took for the anti-LGBT crusade plus a general reputation for incompetence and the governor isn't exactly beloved in his own state.
