"I'm full-of-it up to here Dave!" 

When a liberal speaks, the truth is busy elsewhere.

Hillary Rodham Clinton nervously laughs for over a minute when asked what qualifications she has for being president that don't come from being married to Bill Clinton.

Laughs nervously after Letterman asks if the rumors are true that she is considering for Treasury Secretary, if she wins the White House, a man named Hsu?

Forget the pantsuit jokes Hillary....

You have more pressing matters...

If the Hsu fits....you are going to be wearing it.

Now Dave, for the last time.... I will not rub you down with a banana peel.

"Pants Suit jokes are fine, as long as you stay away from anything related to my corruption or my total lack of presidential qualifications.  But you can keep hammering the Republicans...in fact, it's in your best interests to do so, Vince, er, ah, Dave..heh heh."

...I'll get that spinach out'a there.

Dave: "So you like the idea of a "Stupid President Tricks" segment on the show? Will you come back and perform if you get elected?"

MM: (I know I know...wrong president, right?) 

"There are two types of people in this country; those who provide freedom and those who enjoy it." MM says...

Hillary smiling and bringing it up means it really ticked her off and she would like to squish Letterman.

Come on Dave join the fun and start talking about Hillary dressing like chairman Mao as of late in her little comrade costumes.

*HIC IACET ARTORIVS REX QVONDAM REXQVE FVTVRVS

"No, Dave, I don't 'sock' it"

"Just like cold ice cream... you hurt me right here Hillary. Right here. But honestly dude, I love you."

HRC: "Dave, do you like cigars?...Bill has some extras."

Dave to Hill: "Want to hear a joke?"

Hill to Dave: "Sure Dave, is it politically correct?  Will it offend me?"

Dave to Hill: "Nah, were buds---here it goes. Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a physical, only to find out that she's pregnant. She is furious...  Here she's in the middle of her first run for president, and as Senator of New York this has happened to her. Hillary calls home.  Bill answers the phone. She immediately starts screaming: "How could you have let this happen? With all that's going on right now, you go and get me pregnant!  How couldyou?  I can't believe this!  I just found out I am five weeks pregnant andit is all your fault!  Your fault!  Well, what have you got to say?"  There is nothing but dead silence on the phone.  She screams again, "Did you hear me?"

PHOTO IS SNAPPED HERE--

Finally she hears Bill's very, very quiet voice.  In a barely audible whisper, he says,"Who is this?"

Hill to Dave (deadpan): "Not funny gap tooth."

Yeah, as soon as I'm inaugurated, I'm shipping his ass off to Botswana!

Dave:  Oh Dear I think I've got a hair in my teeth from kissing your butt!

"Dave, nobody was more shocked than I to find that Hsu had fled. I was so relieved when they found him half alive on that train."

"What are you talking about, he is still missing."

" Don't worry Dave, I know this doesn't make sense now, you silly. But you forget that this show is prerecorded. It will all make sense tonight when it airs."

Sen Clinton:  "So Dave, the WWE wants to book you and me vs. Leno and Thompson.  Are you up for it?"

 "The Eagle Has No Feathers. The Eagle Has No Feathers." - Peyton Manning

Letterman:  Ladies and Gentlemen, our next contestant is from New York, by way of Chicago, Little Rock, Washington and parts unknown.  Her name is Hillary Clinton.  Paul, please play something snappy...

Schaeffer: Ha, Ha.  OK, Dave, how about this...("Hail to the Chief")

Letterman: Hello, Hillary.  How are you?

Clinton:  Good.  How are you?

Letterman: Couldn't be better.  So, Hillary what Stupid Human Trick are you going to entertain us with?

Clinton: I'm going to run for President of the United States

...audience laughs

Letterman:  Whoa, Anton!  Was that rim shot necessary?

Anton: Sorry, Dave

i should be your press secretary, i have the best set of teeth to lie through.

lunaticcringeradio

hey we should be able to vote for our favorites NBs 

ps does anyone not think hillacunt didn't have this planned out weeks ago to follow immediately after fred thompson.

I smell a poopy diappy!

Dave: Hillary, why is it that 25% of all Americans can't find the U.S.A. on a global map?

Hillary: Well, in my opinion, the fact that South Africa and Iraq. . .the peoples. . .I used to live in a black church . . .I love New Yorkers . . .ummm. . .education . . .and vast right wing conspiracy. . .the children . . .Bush's fault . . .errrr . .and if I'm elected I guarantee 25% of the people will be 'no ways tired'. . . ahhhh . . .

Dave: I'll just jab my finger down my throat and throw up, so that will be the news and not your stupid comments, eh friend?

Hillary: My people tell me that you've taken care of the Kathleen Willey manuscript.  Where are you hiding it?

Dave: Have you noticed that I no longer have such a massive gap between my front teeth?

Hillary: Pretty clever, Dave.  It'll be our little secret...

Dave:  Is that a ring on your finger or a prize from a box of Cracker Jacks?

Dave:  All I want for Christmas are these two front teeth!

Clinton:  Yes Dave, you can kiss my ass anytime you want to. Just don't tell Bill. After all, you don't want to be Vince Foster'd.