The Daily Show Tells Disgruntled Conservatives to Get Lost for 'Conservative Paradise' of Russia

Wednesday’s Daily Show mocked conservatives by painting Russia as their “conservative paradise” of bigotry, sexism, and economic inequality.

Correspondent Jason Jones quipped that “it seems the red scare has become the ultimate red state” and told unhappy U.S. conservatives like “this antiquated (bleep)” Rush Limbaugh to pack their bags and move there. Jones tarred all conservatives with controversial soundbites from a few. [See video after jump.]

For instance, Jones quoted Bryan Fischer of the American Family Association -- a favorite example of the left who has made outrageous statements in the past – and  said of Russia’s immigration policy, “Holy (bleep) This place is awesome. In just 25 years they figured out the free market and institutionalized xenophobia.”

“And the low taxes and the lack of regulation have created the trickliest-down economy in the world,” Jones said of Russia’s low flat tax and balanced budget.

At the end, Jones featured a billionaire who forces his employees to attend Bible studies, apparently as a doppelganger of nutty right-wing American Evangelical theocrats. Jones could have made the exact same religious freedom case against the Obama administration, for forcing some to violate their consciences and pay for birth control in employee insurance plans, but the Daily Show has already made it clear where it stands on that front.

The billionaire gave Jones a tour of his church, which prompted this exchange:

VELIKY: It is normal to have a church at your business in Russia.

JONES: (on camera) That’s insane. Seriously it's -- it's insane.

So it’s insane to have a church at your workplace? Is that what the Daily Show thinks of religion?

Below is a transcript of the segment, which aired on Comedy Central on February 19 at 11:12 p.m. EST:

JASON JONES: (voice over) After the liberal policies of the last six years American conservatives have ended up with one simple conclusion.

Sen. MARCO RUBIO (R-Fla.): Right now the United States of America is headed in the wrong direction. 

MITT ROMNEY: We know that something is wrong, terribly wrong with the direction of the country. 

JONES: But I may have found a conservative paradise in the most unexpected place. Mother Russia. In the old days, conservatives would yell at liberal commies “go back to Russia!” But now it seems the red scare has become the ultimate red state. Economic policy. 

Rep. ERIC CANTOR (R-Va.), House Majority Leader: We need to cut the budget.

Rep. MICHELE BACHMANN (R-Minn.): We need to rein in the spending. 

Rep. RON DESANTIS (R-Fla.), House Oversight Committee: We need to move to a fair or a flat tax. 

JONES: What do they do in Russia? 

VYACHESLAV NIKONOV, Russian state Duma deputy: We have tight budget. We have no budget deficit. 

JONES: (on camera) What is your tax situation here? 

NIKONOV: 13 percent flat. 

JONES: 13? 

NIKONOV: Yep. 

JONES: And the low taxes and the lack of regulation have created the trickliest-down economy in the world. 

(voice over) But what about immigration?

BRYAN FISCHER, American Family Association: We have got to raise questions about whether we can afford to allow Muslims to immigrate into the United States at all?

JONES: (on camera) What’s your feeling on immigration?

NIKONOV: We need immigrants because it's cheap labor. But Christian immigration is of course preferred to Muslim. 

JONES: (voice over) Holy (bleep) This place is awesome. In just 25 years they figured out the free market and institutionalized xenophobia. 

But would this antiquated (bleep) feel at home?

RUSH LIMBAUGH: The nuns have gone femi-Nazi on everybody!

JONES: Of course he would.

UNIDENTIFIED MAN: Because we already had powerful feminists in the Soviet time. In the Soviet parliament, half of them men, half of them women, for sure. 

JONES: (on camera) Nothing wrong with that.

UNIDENTIFIED MAN: Yeah, it’s maybe not wrong but people get tired from this feminist power.

[Laughter]

JONES: Who is tired of that feminist power, men? 

UNIDENTIFIED MAN: Women, too. 

JONES: (voice over) Oh, my god are there any liberals in this place? 

ALEXEI NAVALNY, Anti-Corruption Foundation: Here they call me a dirty liberal. 

JONES: Meet Alexei Navalny, Russia’s most powerful liberal.

(on camera) Okay, give me your best left-wing take on guns. 

NAVALNY: I think we should allow Russians citizens to buy guns, and I was fortunate to have had one during the process when supporters of Kremlin came and made trouble and I used it against them. 

JONES: You shot someone? 

NAVALNY: It was self defense, and I used rubber bullets.

 JONES: And you are a liberal?

(voice over) See conservatives, this place was perfect. Guns check. Gays triple check. But what about the last big “g” on your agenda?

ROMNEY: Our government must respect religious values not silence them. 

RICK SANTORUM: We need to stay true to our values.

RICK PERRY: It’s these Christian values that this country was based upon.

JONES: Allow me to introduce Vasily Boiko Veliky, the costumed mascot for this right-wing wonderland. He’s a self made milk billionaire who took me on a tour of his Moscow headquarters. He has got his own private church. 

VASILY BOIKO VELIKY: We make it mandatory for all our employees to go to bible study courses. This is what we call additional education. 

JONES: (on camera) If what if they say to you I'm a Jew I don't want to good to these educational courses anymore. Do the voice.

[Laughter] 

VELIKY: If employee doesn't want to attend such courses it's not because of his religion but because he doesn't want to educate himself. Such employees are usually bad employees and we have to let them go. 

JONES: Sure, no Jesus, no job. 

VELIKY: I want my employees to be saved and find eternal life. 

JONES: (voice over) And he helps them by also firing adulterers, anyone who has had sex out of wedlock and any woman who has had an abortion. This is amazing for Christians.

VELIKY: It is normal to have a church at your business in Russia.

JONES: (on camera) That’s insane. Seriously it's -- it's insane.

(voice over) That's the point even conservative pat Buchanan recently wondered if Putin was one of us. So conservatives, from now on when I hear this –

RUBIO: We're losing control of our nation.

JONES: I'm going to say this --

HOMER SIMPSON: If you don't like it go to Russia. 

BILL O’REILLY: Gay marriage is now legal in many places. 

SIMPSON: If you don't like it go to Russia. 

SEAN HANNITY: I’m leaving. As soon as I can get out of here, I’m going out. 

Matt Hadro
Matt Hadro
Matt Hadro was a News Analyst for the Media Research Center's News Analysis Division from 2010 through early 2014