In Show-Ending Poem, CBS's Schieffer Spins Christmas Classic Into Critique of Tea Party, AZ Immigration Law

Ending Sunday's "Face the Nation" in poetic fashion, CBS's Bob Schieffer gave a year-end commentary where he portrayed John Boehner as the flustered "orange-faced" leader of a divided House GOP. Schieffer also snidely criticized the Arizona immigration law.

"His face was bright orange, a sun-tan hall-of-famer. / I knew in a flash – it must be John Boehner," spoke Schieffer, painting the soon-to-be Majority Leader as the head of a herd of reindeer, the House Republicans. "He hollered, cajoled, oh how he did plead, / But the deer wouldn't listen, each wanted to lead."

Composing his end-of-show commentary to verse, Schieffer summarized the 2010 political scene and provided some insight of his own as to how the next two years in Washington will unfold. Though Democrats met a bitter fate this November, Schieffer implied a possible downfall for the GOP with a split between Tea Partiers and incumbent Republicans.
 

He did not shy away from pigeonholing notable Republicans such as Sarah Palin and John Boehner. "The Left Wing cried foul, said she didn't know nothin'" he said of Sarah Palin's reality show. He called Boehner an "sun-tan hall-of-famer" with a smoking habit, having to control the rebellious Bachmann, Pence, and Cantor. "'Stop Cantor! Quiet Bachmann! Sit down, Mr. Pence! / Line up like a team, please don't jump the fence!'" the imaginary Boehner cried.

Schieffer briefly described the Democrats' downfall and was more-than-content with sending President Obama off to vacation in Hawaii. "To Hawaii they went, why not if they please?" he said of the Obamas.

However, even here Obama faced trouble with Arizona officials looking for his identity papers, Schieffer bizarrely narrated. He seemingly equated Arizona law enforcement with birthers.

"POTUS was out running hard in the tropical sand, / Birth certificate clutched wheel-tight in his hand," he said of Obama's ongoing vacation in Hawaii. "'Can't be too careful,' he told his wife's mother, / 'Arizona police may be here undercover'."

A transcript of Schieffer's poem, a segment which aired on December 26 at 10:53 a.m. EDT, is as follows:

BOB SCHIEFFER: Twas the day after Christmas, 'neath the Capitol dome
It was quiet for a change, Congress finally went home.
They stayed longer than usual, and actually found
Not a lot, to be sure, but some common ground.

The Tea Party hollered, Sarah Palin went huntin',
The Left Wing cried foul, said she didn't know nothin'.
POTUS and FLOTUS were gone with a breeze
To Hawaii they went, why not if they please?

With no stories, reporters have turned to the bars,
The newscasting subs sat in for the stars.
I was just sleepy, needed rest for my brain,
And what happened next I still can't explain.

In my dreaming I saw on the Capitol lawn
A man cracking a whip by first light of dawn.
He was trying to herd some wacky reindeer
Running every which way, first there and then here.

His face was bright orange, a sun-tan hall-of-famer.
I knew in a flash – it must be John Boehner.
He hollered, cajoled, oh how he did plead,
But the deer wouldn't listen, each wanted to lead.

"Stop Cantor! Quiet Bachmann! Sit down, Mr. Pence!
Line up like a team, please don't jump the fence!
You're feeling your oats, and already feel cozy,
But so did that lady named Nancy Pelosi.

"She reached for the sky and wound up in the soup,
So these days she's herding a much smaller group.
Her reindeer still snort that it wasn't their fault.
Whatever it was, they were brought to a halt."

As that scene faded out, Boehner lit up a smoke,
Then I could see Waikiki – and this is no joke –
POTUS was out running hard in the tropical sand,
Birth certificate clutched wheel-tight in his hand.

Can't be too careful, he told his wife's mother,
Arizona police may be here undercover.
It's been a tough year, a difficult trip,
And wouldn't you know, I busted my lip.

My own party against me – will that be my fate?
Or can old Clinton teach me to triangulate?
My dream got confusing, I really was torn
And the old bull still fought, locking horn against horn.

The way they were acting it was sure easy enough
To see no good thing coming from this kind of stuff.
Then I thought of this year and for all the bad talk
Now before it was over the lame duck did walk.

The START treaty was finally beginning to gel,
Taxes stayed even; we can ask, and yes, tell.
That's why I can close this holiday letter
With "Happy New Year to all, it's bound to get better."


 

Matt Hadro
Matt Hadro
Matt Hadro was a News Analyst for the Media Research Center's News Analysis Division from 2010 through early 2014