Condom Candy, Lesbian Rape, and Ethical Chocolate: How the Left Likes to Celebrate Valentine’s Day

Not sure how to celebrate Valentine's Day this year? Left-wing groups and media such as The Sierra Club, Planned Parenthood and The Huffington Post have overtaken the holiday to promote their culture of sexual promiscuity and wacky environmentalism.

From universities and medical clinics offering condom lollipops and free STD testing (and hosting plays about lesbian rape) and "green" websites dictating how "ethically" bought chocolate and flowers can save the planet, to disturbing LGBTQIA-themed gifts, the eco-friendly, gay-friendly, sex-obsessed left has plenty of ideas for how you should celebrate the holiday of love.

If you're looking for something really romantic to send your special someone, Planned Parenthood has several classy cards available. You have ones with understated reminders to not "multiply like rabbits" - and remember to put on a condom!

Valentine's Day is the perfect time for "booty calls" and safe sex reminders, after all.

Or, maybe, you want to give a more personal card. Planned Parenthood does it again with its printable "place condom here" cards. After all, February 14 is really "National Condom Day" - a holiday started by UC Berkley students in 1978 to promote condom use among students.

If you're lucky enough to live in Michigan, Planned Parenthood is also giving away gift baskets with "condom pops" (two condoms wrapped around a lollipop), along with safe sex instructions, for couples this Valentine's Day.

The Planned Parenthood of Maryland also gets in the holiday spirit by advertising, "You + Me+ IUD"= a Happy Valentine's Day!

College students in Hawaii get to celebrate contraception, too, at the University of Hawaii at Manoa's annual Valentine's Day "Condom Fair." The list of "educational activities" is almost endless, ranging from the "Condom Race" to "Pin the Condom on Jack." The university website entices potential participants with "condom roses, condom lollipops" and "other fun Valentine's Day items" as potential prizes you can score.

Are you a lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, questioning, intersex, asexual, pansexual or an ally of the lesbians, gays, bisexuals, transgender, queer, questioning, intersex, asexual, and pansexual?

If you didn't just say, "Huh?" there are plenty of homemade gifts for you to choose from on Etsy, a popular website where independent artists can seller their homemade crafts.  Beefcake-adorned oven mitts or "his and his" bracelets, anyone? You can also get a really creepy homemade card featuring what looks like a 1960's Ken doll (Barbie's boyfriend!) - with his arm around his gay lover.

But. what about the traditional flowers and chocolates?

Well, whatever you do, don't send those, that is, unless you make sure it's local, organic, sustainably grown, fair-trade and in recyclable packaging. Roses and chocolates bought anywhere else cause women to have miscarriages, child slave labor, and destroy the environment according to several green websites and blogs.

The Sierra Club advises being "responsible" and "ethical" by choosing organic, local and shade-grown chocolate and organically grown flowers that won't "hurt the planet." Valentine's Day is really close to Earth Day, so we need to keep that in mind. And, if that's too complicated, you could just send a virtual bouquet of flowers and an e-card and it will be just as meaningful.

If you have kids, don't let them take chocolates to school to give out to their friends. It's illegal in some areas. For example, last year, an elementary school principal in Boston banned students from exchanging candy to "guide children to healthy choices," Michelle Obama-style.

Want to do something as a couple? How about making a trip to Planned Parenthood? It's like Disneyland for grownups! Planned Parenthood's website promises that "free HIV, chlamydia and gonorrhea testing" this Valentine's Day will "show your partner you care".

Or maybe you are more cultured than that. No worries, the founders of "V-Day" - "Victory, Vagina and Valentine," have just the show for you: The Vagina Monologues!  Coming to a community center and university near you.

Fox News wrote in an article last year about the play by feminist author Eve Ensler :

"The original performances of the play and the published book eulogize the lesbian 'rape' of a 13-year-old girl by a 24-year-old woman who plies her with alcohol. The pedophile section is entitled 'The Little Coochi Snorcher That Could' - Coochi Snorcher being the nickname of the little girl's genitalia...Both by statute and by feminist definition, the 'seduction' scene is rape. Nevertheless, the Coochi Snorcher declares, '... if it was rape, it was a good rape.'"

Also, this loveliness is in the play, via Campus Reform:

"Ensler mocks Christian salvation by portraying the lesbian rape of a teenage girl as her 'salvation' from the bonds of heterosexuality.  The play even refers to the girl's experience as, 'a kind of Heaven.'"

The perfect date: Sitting through a feminist play that mocks Christianity while promoting lesbian pedophilic rape on Valentine's Day.

Stay classy, Leftists!