Yesterday was a historic day, for on January 20, 2009, listening to inaugural poet laureate Elizabeth Alexander's attempt at poetry, I actually missed Maya Angelou's attempt at the same 16 years earlier.
Yes, it was that bad, and if you watched the inauguration, you know it, as does every liberal journalist who heard it as well.
So while liberal comedians like Chris Rock lament that they don't know how they can mock the "cool" new president, I thought I'd share how morning talk show host Andy Parks at Washington's WMAL Radio mocked Alexander's poem by writing up and delivering a nonsensical one of his own (audio available here):
Washington Monument
grew there
on french toastStorm drains overflowing with mayonnaise
and barbed wirePayton Manning
Just some of the things important
to myUncle Sarah
Washington
bless me
FBIamen
Editor at Large
Comments Policy
(sob) (sob)
January 21, 2009 - 14:01 ET by AJBoh... my... that
was
be - you - tee - ful
It really touched my soul. I'm sobbing. Well, it could be the pepper spray from my neighbor's mom. She's not keen on our marriage. Dead granny doesn't mind, but that mom... wow. Wonder if she's available?
Bwahahaha
January 21, 2009 - 14:02 ET by thebutlerdiditThanks, Ken. That was great. If you missed Ms. Maya, please go to Youtube, and watch it, surely it's there. As I said on a different thread, it's hard to beat a poem that references dinosaur poop.
Bringing the government in to run Wall Street is like saying, "Dad burned the dinner, let's get the dog to cook." PJ O'Rourke
Bwaaaaahhh!
January 21, 2009 - 14:27 ET by mizflame98Oh yeah! Maya's was worse. She is still the queen of inaugural crap!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HDtw62Ah2zY
Perfect Demotivator for the Obama Administration
http://www.despair.com/government.html
Eliabeth Alexander poetry
January 21, 2009 - 14:06 ET by ricklailI posted this down in the open thread but I feel it might go better here. Many of you are just slobering all over yourselves from this newest national poet and wanting more.
Well I wanted to share with you what is probably her masterpiece before yesterday's work, NEONATOLOGY. You'll have to scroll down to find it. Just a bit of warning, it is sickening.
Ricky Joe the Plumber
Ricklail, you are aware
January 21, 2009 - 14:13 ET by bassndudeRicklail, you are aware that in her former life, she was a working hooker, right? And that true.
Save a SeAL, club a liberal!!
Wasn't Whoppi Goldberg
January 21, 2009 - 14:27 ET by ricklailWasn't Whoppi Goldberg too.
Ricky Joe the Plumber
Dont know Rick, but I do
January 21, 2009 - 14:33 ET by bassndudeDont know Rick, but I do know why they both do other things now. As hookers, they were broke all the time. I mean, who would ever pay either one of them???
Save a SeAL, club a liberal!!
Even when I was in the Army
January 21, 2009 - 15:38 ET by ricklailEven when I was in the Army I never paid for a hooker. I liked to play poker too much. Couldn't afford it on $99 a month.
Ricky Joe the Plumber
Payton [sic] Manning
January 21, 2009 - 14:32 ET by BlondeLOL...Peyton Manning. (It's Walter Payton).
The only thing that would have possible been better was if he had ended this poem with "achoo" instead of amen!
Oh...and the only thing worse than this silly poet yesterday was Michelle O's dress....and her false eyelashes (told you so!).
The only wrong notes were the choice of gloves and Jimmy Choo Glacier pumps - both in a sickly green - and the false eyelashes.
Liz Jones gushes over Michelle, but as usual, the readers got it right...the comments were a hoot.
C'mon Blonde
January 21, 2009 - 14:49 ET by cocodrieShe's ushering the new Alley OOP look. She made me remember when I used to enjoy the comics.
Jesus Loves You
The poem will be for sell
January 21, 2009 - 15:05 ET by ricklailThe poem will be for sell on Feb 6. You and I have already discussed the dress.
Ricky Joe the Plumber
Well good luck with THAT!
January 21, 2009 - 15:16 ET by BlondeAn initial printing of 100,000 at eight bucks a pop.....someone is making a veeery unwise investment.
As for the dress...you called it, spot on! For those of you who didn't see it, Rick comment last week that MO could show up wearing cow dooty or somesuch, and the press would all be agog. Hmmm.
As for the eyelashes...we were on chat yesterday during that fiasco, and I pointed out her fake lashes....soooo obvious.
She's a fashion fiasco on wheels, diamonds and fake eyelashes before dinner, yikes! The dress she had on today made her look like she had a whole garbage dump in the trunk, a whole lot more than mere junk in that trunk.
Actually, I think we're going to have alot of fun at her expense...the more she tries to be the new Queen of Camelot, the more fashion faux pas (gosh, six years of french and I can't for the life of me think of the plural for that) she's going to make. Plus, we'll get to snipe at all the idiots in the press who lap it up as high style (more like fashion misdemeanors, LOL).
HA HA HA HA HA HA
January 21, 2009 - 14:39 ET by kdizzydazeHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
And, Chris Rock will never have the balls to mock this ridiculous BS -- poetry as an art form -that crap died with vaudeville.
God made man, but he used a monkey to do it -- DEVO
The thought of you makes my a$$ itch-----
January 21, 2009 - 15:09 ET by Roscoe MendagoOh an ode to a rock that rises skyward-
Diapers dirty, oh the humanity-
Water flows uphill in your dreams-
Skunks that smell of gardenias-
Our time is upon us, sweet is the sludge-
Repeat above twice or as often as you like-
Nowhere is the sun shining as bright as tonight-
Cornflakes sharp as glass, oh be faithful to the "ONE"-
Crescent mooned adorned doors we enter, it's warm in there-
Repeat above once maybe twice, according to amount drunk-
Roscoe Mendago, state sponsored poet flying backwards up staircases with no doors.
Rush is...
January 21, 2009 - 14:55 ET by mizflame98RIGHT!!
Perfect Demotivator for the Obama Administration
http://www.despair.com/government.html
Good one, mizflame
January 21, 2009 - 15:26 ET by BlondeDid you see the loser comments at the bottom?
OMO...bitter much?
Sorry
January 21, 2009 - 15:39 ET by ChaitealoverThose little spots you see are the pieces of the Sun Chips I was eating that I spewed all over the screen when I read Andy Parks' poem
Chai
"The problem with socialism is that you eventually run out of other people's money" Margaret Thatcher
Elizabeth Alexander's Delicious Deciduous Dichotomies
January 21, 2009 - 15:51 ET by RadiomanHow about: Obama /Chevrolet on a dusty street /Pineapple butterscotch pudding /Chicago greenhouse /Bagpipe out of tune /tapioca morning /smokers' afternoon/ chocolate midnight/ Vacuous /Vacant /Vitiate /SYMPHONY/ Aretha Franklin's hat/ Sorry for the alliteration but when the muse strikes!!! www.chalktalk-talk.b...
With apologies to Rush
January 21, 2009 - 16:07 ET by Prester JohnImmaculation
Media swoons,
And Chicago goons,
Head east,
For the financial feast.
Bills to be paid,
With government aid.
What, me worry?
I said this elsewhere, that
January 21, 2009 - 16:11 ET by balboaI said this elsewhere, that I didn't think the poem was that great. It needed to be less subtle, more on the nose.
But that's the risk you take with poetry.
Poet my rhymning.
January 21, 2009 - 18:14 ET by RackieMe thinks the lady was eating mushrooms and channeling her Scots-Irish ancestors when she penned that mess.
Takes one to know one
January 21, 2009 - 19:14 ET by MeowMeowI have my MFA in writing, and I can tell you -- having been around a slew of poets -- they take themselves very seriously. They read in that stilted way to infuse a bit of profundity into text that's usually not even intelligible. There's this air of self-importance about them, and if you don't like their "art" then that means you're too stupid to understand it. Intellectual bullies, they are. And I'd bet 99% of people who call themselves poets voted for BHO.
That was the most craptastic piece of "poetry" I have ever heard. She would have done better just getting up and reciting Robert Frost. At least he could write.
Embarrassing really
January 21, 2009 - 19:35 ET by general companyThat was the most craptastic piece of "poetry" I have ever heard. She
would have done better just getting up and reciting Robert Frost. At
least he could write.
Or, Shel Silverstein.
Your right, Intellectual bullies, they try to be. But they are ussally just 9issed-off jerks, ussally needing their noses flattened a bit.
"Television is a freak show" Bernie Goldberg
Bravo, but you have
January 22, 2009 - 10:03 ET by UtherpendBravo, but you have forgotten that to be a successful poet you have to have someone take you way too seriously and then pretend you are better than they are.
Speculation on whether PEBO was a budding poet once?
"If you love wealth more than liberty, the tranquillity of servitude better than the animating contest of freedom, depart from us in peace. We ask not your counsel nor your arms. Crouch down and lick the hand that feeds you."