On Tuesday night, the Daily Show’s Jon Stewart used his broadcast to mock Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s speech to Congress and resorted to making a crude joke to criticize the appearance.
During his opening monologue, the Comedy Central host proclaimed that “[w]hether or not Netanyahu achieved his goals of sabotaging a deal with Iran or mistakenly opened up a rift in U.S.-Israeli relations, one thing is certain -- the in-chamber response to this speech is by far the longest blowjob a Jewish man has ever received."
Stewart began his critique of Netanyahu’s speech by promoting President Obama’s argument that if Democrats had brought the President of France to appear before Congress to condemn the Iraq War, Republicans would have been outraged:
Right, they might have said that or gone (bleep) Bananas! Republicans would have demanded the inviters be arrested for sedition and treason. I mean for God sakes, just for France not joining our coalition Republicans officially had the word French removed from Capitol building fries and renamed ketchup.
The Comedy Central host went on to invoke the miracle of Hanukkah to mock the GOP support for Netanyahu:
It was a miracle, a standing ovation that was to last for just one minute, miraculously lasted eight minutes. Oh my God, it was the State of the Union address the Republicans wanted delivered by the leader they wish they had and Netanyahu wasted no time explaining why there was no time to waste.
In typical Stewart fashion, the Daily Show host then aired edited clips of Netanyahu from the past decade in order to criticize the Israeli prime minister for repeatedly sounding the alarm over Iran’s nuclear program:
We have to act. Look how Iran expanded its power since the fall of Saddam Hussein and the destabilization of the region! I mean, what kind of an idiot wouldn't have seen that coming in 2002? Oh, shalom!
Stewart concluded his anti-Netanyahu remarks by once again mocking numerous standing ovations members of Congress gave him throughout his speech:
But in the House chamber, there was no such reflecting. Netanyahu wrapped his speech up and it was time for another ten minutes of applause. Whether or not Netanyahu achieved his goals of sabotaging a deal with Iran or mistakenly opened up a rift in U.S.-Israeli relations, one thing is certain -- the in-chamber response to this speech is by far the longest blowjob a Jewish man has ever received.
See relevant transcript below.
Comedy Central’s The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
March 4, 2015
JON STEWART: How will the Obama administration handle this unprecedented eye poke?
BARACK OBAMA: I think it's important to realize the depth of the U.S.-Israeli relationship. Under my administration, billions of dollars have gone to support Israel's security. The military and intelligence cooperation is unprecedented. That bond is unbreakable.
STEWART: That's how powerful Israel is. The prime minister comes here, publicly slaps Obama in the face and the president's response is “it’s okay, in fact everyone should know I'm buying him gloves so when he hits me it doesn't hurt his hand as much!” Not that there won't be any repercussions.
JIM ACOSTA: The White House is offering an icy welcome to Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu. The president will not be sitting down or meeting with Netanyahu this week.
ANDREA MITCHELL: Joe Biden, in Guatemala today, is snubbing Netanyahu's speech.
STEWART: Right, right, right, right. That's why the vice president is in Guatemala, to snub the speech, not to protect Mrs. Netanyahu from Groper Cleveland. All these global tensions must be tightening your shoulders! Mmm! Let me just bite a little bit of your neck. Of course, the president did gently point out the uproar that would have occurred had a Democratic Congress invited a former leader who was criticizing a Republican president.
OBAMA: When George W. Bush had initiated the War in Iraq, if they had invited let's say the president of France to appear before Congress to criticize or to air those disagreements I think most people would say, well, that wouldn't be the right thing to do.
STEWART: Right, they might have said that or gone (bleep) Bananas! Republicans would have demanded the inviters be arrested for sedition and treason. I mean for God sakes, just for France not joining our coalition Republicans officially had the word French removed from Capitol building fries and renamed ketchup.
I have to admit, after all that buildup, I was pretty excited for the speech itself but nowhere near excited as Congress who cheered so loudly as Netanyahu entered the room they broke C-SPAN's sound equipment. It was a miracle, a standing ovation that was to last for just one minute, miraculously lasted eight minutes. Oh my God, it was the State of the Union address the Republicans wanted delivered by the leader they wish they had and Netanyahu wasted no time explaining why there was no time to waste.
BENJAMIN NETANYAHU: That's why this deal is so bad. It doesn't block Iran's path to the bomb, it paves Iran's path to the bomb, Iran's breakout time would be very short, about a year by U.S. assessments, even shorter by Israel.
STEWART: Well of course the Jewish assessment’s going to be a little shorter we like to cut a little off at the tip. But holy s*** one year! Bibi, if Iran is that close, why didn't you bring that urgent warning about Iran going nuclear sooner? Oh, you did. Apparently time was also running out 19 years ago.
NETANYAHU: The most dangerous of these regimes is Iran. If this regime or its despotic neighbor Iraq were to acquire nuclear weapons this could pre-stage catastrophic consequences. Only the United States can lead this vital international effort to stop the nuclearization of terrorist states. Time is running out. We have to act.
STEWART: Why is he not aging? It really seems to be the story is not will Iran get a nuclear weapon and more the world needs Netanyahu's anti-aging secret because it just can't be chick peas oil and lemon. It just can't be! It can’t be that easy. But this brings up the difficult issue, what many in our government love about Netanyahu is his conviction and his certainty.
NETANYAHU: In the Middle East Iran now dominates four Arab capitals, Baghdad, Damascus, Beirut and Sana’a.
STEWART: We have to act. Look how Iran expanded its power since the fall of Saddam Hussein and the destabilization of the region! I mean, what kind of an idiot wouldn't have seen that coming in 2002? Oh, shalom!
NETANYAHU: If you take out Saddam, Saddam's regime, I guarantee you that it will have enormous positive reverberations on the region. The reverberations of what happens with the collapse of Saddam's regime could very well create an implosion in a neighboring regime like Iran.
STEWART: Or the opposite. But in the House chamber, there was no such reflecting. Netanyahu wrapped his speech up and it was time for another ten minutes of applause. Whether or not Netanyahu achieved his goals of sabotaging a deal with Iran or mistakenly opened up a rift in U.S.-Israeli relations, one thing is certain -- the in-chamber response to this speech is by far the longest blowjob a Jewish man has ever received.
