Ardent Peacenik Mike Malloy Dreams of Beating Up Dick Cheney

As a proud member of the Blame America First contingent, left-wing radio host Mike Malloy sure has its vernacular down pat. On his show last night, for example, he condemned "warmongering" American presidents and US arms makers for spreading death and destruction abroad.

Oddly, however, Malloy also described how he believes former vice president Dick Cheney would have been treated in the neighborhood where Malloy grew up -- which came across as little more than Malloy's fantasy of how Cheney should be treated now for criticizing the Obama administration's plan to scale back the military. (Audio clips after the jump)

Here is Malloy initially talking about the war in Afghanistan as a "karmic" cause of the surge in heroin abuse at home (audio) --

So, another example of the result of unintended consequences because we have a series of warmongering presidents down through the years who do not consider the karmic, if you want to use that term, or ripple effect or unintended consequences, whatever you want to call it, that comes as a result of the United States military being instructed to go into countries and kill and destroy and bomb and burn and blast and so on and so forth. No, Afghanistan can't fight back. Iraq can't fight back. Somalia can't fight back. Cuba couldn't fight back. So many countries, I mean, just go down the list.

Soon after, Malloy opined that arms manufacturers in the US would be angered by Iran's plan to sell weaponry to Iraq (audio) --

Now, this is really going to piss off the American weapons makers, real blood-soaked capitalists. Arms shipments? Arms production?! Wait, wait, wait, wait -- that's what we export! That and stuff that we suck up out of the ground. That's what we do now. That's our biggest cash crop, so to speak. Weaponry! Death! Destruction! Bombs! Bullets! Mortars! Willie Peter! (slang for white phosphorus). You know, stuff that hurts and maims and kills and disfigures, depleted uranium. That's our gig!

Malloy's remarks last night aren't much different from what he says on any given night. Clearly, the man possesses a deeply-held and principled aversion of the use of force to resolve conflict. How admirable, indeed, if only it were true.

Only a short time later, Malloy took a decidedly more bellicose tangent while weighing in on Cheney's criticism of Obama's plans to shrink the military (audio) --

Dick Cheney, when's this son of a bitch going to politely leave planet Earth? I mean, Cheney who did everything he could to avoid military service during the Vietnam era, got on Sean Hannity's program and Sean is another twisted little coward/perve who also did everything he could to avoid military service. And the reason I mention that is because these two clown/freaks got on there and started hand-jiving each other about how Obama is going to decimate the military because of what Chuck Hagel came out and said yesterday. So here you have two baseline cowards, Sean Hannity, who travels with armed guards every place he goes now, and Dick Cheney, who devoured somebody else's heart and avoided military service any way he could, you have these two half wits sitting on Hannity's little toy television show on the Murdoch terror organization network, talking about how Obama (chuckles), well, this is what Cheney said. He said that Obama favors food stamps over a strong military. 

You know, back in my neighborhood when I was a kid growing up, I took a certain number of ass kickings because I would say things that would piss off other boys in the neighborhood and the next thing I knew I was, you know, running home to mommy with a busted lip and blood pouring out. By the same token, I kicked enough ass back in the day, too. I mean, it kinda all worked out, right? I took some ass kickings because of what I said and I gave some ass kickings because of what I heard other people say. Cheney, I just wish Cheney, he and I are about the same age, I wish he would have been in my neighborhood. You know what I'm saying, huh? You know what I'm saying? I think you do.

Yeah, I know what you're saying, Mike. You're waxing nostalgic for the idyll of your youth, where if someone said something you didn't like -- whack! -- you smacked him in the face. Ah, the good old days, how you clearly miss them. And you're also saying, in so many words, how you dearly wish that Cheney inhabitated your "neighborhood" now -- just for old times' sake!

Malloy elaborates further on the way things were (sigh) when he was a kid but, alas, no longer (audio) --

These cuts are, Cheney's words, just -- no, no, he doesn't talk like that -- these cuts are (mimics Cheney) just devastating. Cheney said, uh (more mimicry) I've not been a strong supporter of Barack Obama but this really is over the top. It does enormous long-term damage to our military. They act as though it is like highway spending and you can turn it on and off. The fact of the matter, if you will, is he is having a huge impact on the ability of future presidents to deal with future crises that are bound to arise and I think the whole thing is not driven by any change in world circumstances, it's driven by budget considerations. Obama would much rather spend the money on food stamps than he would on a strong military or support for our troops.

You know, how many ways would some comments like that, I'm trying to remember, how many ways comments in that vein would have resulted in a busted lip back in my neighborhood. And, and, and the perp looking for, you know, trying to pick up his teeth with a broken arm. I swear to you.

One more revealing rant along the same troubling lines (audio) --

But you would get a smart ass who would say things that resulted, and they were so outrageous (Even arms dealers would be angered!) that somebody would just walk over and pop him one right in the goddamned mouth! Just bam! No, hey, you wanna fight? No, no, no, no. That's not the way it was done. Now, we never picked up a stick or a piece of glass and there were no guns. Eventually, some of the kids developed this habit of carrying (pauses for effect, then creepily lowers voice) switchblades, but I'm talking about, somebody would smart off the way Cheney smarts off on this little pr**k Hannity's program, this little cowardly Hannity, both of these guys draft dodgers! And they're talking about, not draft dodg-, well, Cheney was a draft dodger, Hannity is just a flat-out coward. And they're talking about how Obama would prefer food stamps over military. Back in my neighborhood, that would have resulted, all those years ago, in a bust right in the goddamned mouth. Pow! And then when the perp picked himself up, hey, whadya hit me for, man?! (Responds in voice of assailant). Man, don't be saying stuff like that. Stuff like that?! You know what you said. You gonna play on this lot, you gonna play in our football game, you're going to play a certain way. Now, STFU, only we didn't have that back then. ST-, yeah, we didn't have, we just said it. And usually, the little punk would just stop, you know, would just stop.

If only someone would do the same to Cheney, to stop him from doing the thing that so angers Malloy. You know, expressing an opinion he doesn't like, thereby justifying assault and battery. And has Malloy told you in the last 10 minutes how much he really hates war?

Jack Coleman
Liberated ex-liberal from the People's Republic of Massachusetts