Despite the fact that I’m a Millennial myself, I’m always surprised by the things my generation is apparently doing. CBS’s The Great Indoors adds a new shock with Millennials definition of open relationships and hookup culture.
On February 16’s episode “DTR,” Jack (Joel McHale) begins dating a Millennial named Kaylie (Caitlin McGee) because of his distaste for commitment, but the fast-paced younger lifestyle catches up to him and leaves him exhausted. What makes matters worse is Kaylie’s own inability to commit and her preference for having an “open relationship” with Jack and…pretty much whomever she finds. To help us understand the confusion and debauchery that gender and sexual fluidity hath wrought in the Millennial Age, I give you this scene from the episode.
Kaylie: Jack, hi! I was worried that I scared you off after our last conversation.
Jack: Jack Gordon is totes down with this open relaysh.
Eddie: Did you just use the words "Totes down" and "Open relaysh"? Jack, I think you're losing your damn mind.
Jack: Clark, come over here. I need you to be my wingman.
Eddie: And there it goes.
Clark: All right, so where should we start, playa?
Jack: She's hot.
Emma: Ooh, good choice. Jenna's a total comet.
Clark: "Comet." Noun. Someone who has sporadic but intense hookups. It's also an abrasive cleaner.
Jack: MM.
Emma: But just know, she's in a throuple with that guy Eric and... Oh. Kaylie.
Jack: Oh. What?
Clark: Oh. "Throuple" is a new term that means three people in a couple. In the '80s, it was known as my mom, Brett, and Doug.
Jack: Yeah, I know what a throuple is. But, wait, so Kaylie is seeing me, her, that guy, and a Greek squash player?
Clark: Yeah, but that's about it. Oh, unless you count half the people at that booth.
Jack: Yeah, they-they count. They-they count. Hey, so, uh, Clark just told me that half the people at this table are involved with Kaylie?
Mason: That's not not not untrue.
Jack: Can you be a little more specific?
Mason: Sure. In the form of a riddle. Three of my roommates have had sex with two of my roommates, and one of us has had sex with all of us. Assuming half of us are straight, who's been with Kaylie?
Jack: Um...
Mason: And there's a wildcard, Asexual Jeff.
Jeff: I'm more attracted to objects.
Got all that? If you do, you probably need a shower. Fortunately, Jack finally gets fed up by the end of the episode and eventually meets up with a woman whose only real night activity is hate-watching The Bachelor. I would ordinarily have a two-page write-up on the questionable aspects of watching anything to do with The Bachelor, but that’s kid stuff compared to the confused mess these Millennials call romance.
I, for one, am glad even a guy like Jack can recognize the stupidity behind this. I’m even more glad a show like this can expose this stupidity for me and the world to laugh. Admittedly, it’s better than remembering that this is the generation responsible for the future...maybe it’s a good thing these people aren’t looking to start families any time soon.
