In “The Real Halloween” episode of ABC's The Real O'Neals, Kenny (Noah Galvin) tries to celebrate his first “gay” Halloween by, of course, going to a raunchy gay party in Boystown. His mother Eileen (Martha Plimpton) denies him permission for obvious reasons but allows him to host a party at their house with any gay people he can find, thinking he won’t find any. From there, he invites gay students from another school to help gay up his party.
Saying it’s every awful gay stereotype rolled into one is…pretty much the only way I can describe this episode. Parties with guys dressed up as gaudy half-naked female pop stars parading about and throwing shade at each other is apparently the norm. From that, I’m terrified to think about what happens at Boystown on Halloween. And yet, we’re still expected to accept this.
Kenny dresses up as Beyoncé just to get a rise out of his mother after she allows him to be “completely himself” without letting him live in his “gay world.” The only way Eileen truly fits in is by “throwing shade” at the party goers for their tackiness.
Kenny: Mom, are you okay?
Eileen Yes, I'm okay. All good.
Kenny: Really? You're not upset about this?
Eileen: What? No. Not at all. You make a great Beyoncé. If Beyoncé had a pale, small, boy's body.
Ballerina: Sweet burn.
Eileen: You're more like a Shetland Beyoncé.
[ All gasping ]
Eileen: What? What's happening?
Kenny: Mom, you're throwing shade, and you are surprisingly good at it.
Stuart: Do me. Do me.
Eileen: Okay. Well, uh... You look just like Britney.
Stuart: Mm-hmm.
Eileen: The dirty, barefoot Britney from the gas-station bathroom.
[ Laughter ]
Allison: Yas, queen.
Jodi: Gays like throwing shade?
Kenny: Oh, we live for it. It's not a compliment unless it's backhanded.
Eileen: Uh, and ok-- Oh, I'm guessing you're J-Lo. But in your case, it's more like j-e-l-l-o.
[ Crowd "Oohs", Ohs" ]
Kenny: Oh! Her cruelty is their joy.
And therein lies the problem with this gay crew Kenny so loves. They’re tacky but demand to be taken seriously. They decry haters but accept throwing shade at their looks. They want to be completely themselves, but apparently, all that requires is being dressed up as a current celebrity of the opposite gender. What kind of self is that?
The only way Eileen can possibly fit in this story is by being just as obnoxious as they are. As the stereotypical opponent with no real argument against gays except that she “just can’t” accept them, the only option is to join them, no matter what the game. Because, according to Kenny later in the episode, there is no separate “gay world.” We all must live in it.
For the record, I don’t accept this. Indulging in these awful characters makes as much sense as calling cruelty “joy.” When any character refers to Halloween as a “Gay Super Bowl,” you know we’re in for an obnoxious, when-is-it-going-to-be-over, over-saturated half-hour of The Real O’Neals. Unlike the real Super Bowl, however, I can’t just skip the show to watch the commercials. Boy, do I wish I could.
