What does it take for lefty Democrats to be convinced that the U.S. should intervene in a foreign country to protect innocent life? As we learned in BrainDead’s “The Path to War Part One: The Gathering Political Storm,” it is a warm and fuzzy picture of a baby seal. Those big eyes did what human exploding heads couldn’t – brought a female lefty to tears.
Senator Red Wheatus (Tony Shalhoub), a Republican from Maryland, is advocating for war against Syria in a false flag operation to blame alien ants eating people’s brains and make their heads explode on terrorists. His method of persuasion to skeptical Democrats on the Select Committee on Intelligence is to bring in a former terrorist with a tale of testing a compound that will explode the heads of humans.
Suddenly, when he mentions that the compound is tested on animals from the Syria National Zoo, everyone is paying attention. A photo is shown of a panda bear (who can resist the adorable panda bears?) and then a close-up of the face of a baby seal is put up on the overhead projector. Bingo. Tears spring to the eyes of previously doubtful Democrat Senator Ella Pollack (Jan Maxwell) and soon she is on board.
Red: You tested this chemical on everyday Syrians, like these?
Ahmed: Yes. First corpses. Then we needed live hosts.
Red: And you watched heads explode?
Ahmed: I did. I'm sorry to say.
Red: Hmm. Um, is that all the testing you did?
Ahmed: No. We first started on zoo animals.
Red: You blew up the heads of zoo animals?
Ahmed: Yes. Animals from the Syrian National Zoo.
Red: Yeah. What... What kind of animals?
Ahmed: Uh... Zebras, two giraffes and pandas.
Red: Pandas? You-you blew up pandas like these?
Ahmed: Yes. Like those. Just the heads.
Luke: Madam Chair, what is the relevance of this?
Red: The relevance is that I care about what happens to pandas like these, don't you?
Luke: But... Yes, but, uh, more importantly, I want to know if this witness
is telling the truth.Red: I'm sorry to see that my respected colleague has a greater regard for the truth than he does for the lives of pandas.
Luke: Madam Chair, I ask that we be given time to investigate this witness's claims.
Red: May I finish my questions first?
Chair: Go on, Senator.
Red: All right. Ahmed, is this testing on zoo animals going on even as we speak?
Ahmed: Yes, right now. They have a shipment of baby seals.
Red: And will they continue to blow up the heads of baby seals until we get boots on the ground in Syria?
Ahmed: Definitely.
Of course, there is also the requisite America blaming. Ella is laughably desperate to find a way to absolve Ahmed of his sins and pin the blame on the U.S. She tries to lead Ahmed into saying America radicalized him, to no avail. Finally she puts words into his mouth, channeling Bernie Sanders and giving typical leftist claims as reasons, and then concludes, “We can't blame you, can we? We caused this terrorism.”
Ella: I'll rip him a new one.
Luke: Ella, let's keep it...
Ella: Uh, thank you for speaking here today, Ahmed. Do you blame America for your radicalism?
Ahmed: Do I...? (Camera shutters clicking) I... What do you mean?
Ella: You said your mother was killed in a drone attack? Don't you blame America for this?
Ahmed: No. It was an Iranian drone.
Ella: But built with our technology.
Ahmed: No. Chinese.
Ella: But isn't America the real culprit here, because we... created the... idea... of the drone? Let me... Let me ask this a different way. Why do you hate... America?
Ahmed: Because of... (Camera shutters clicking) ...Your freedom?
Ella: Our entitlement. Our wealth inequality. The top one percent owns everything. I mean, look at our bankers. Isn't that why you hate America?Ahmed: I-I... I guess.
Ella: So, we can't blame you, can we? We caused this terrorism. We are the real culprits.
Blaming America first and valuing animals over humans makes sense on a fictional show about brain dead people - what's real life liberals' excuse?
