ABC’s ‘The Real O’Neals’ Goes to Catholic School, and It's Awful

The show that seems to exist only to shame and smear the Catholic faith continued it’s unfunny, zero depth nosedive into crazy on Tuesday night. This week The Real O’Neals took aim at Catholic schools as Kenny (Noah Galvin) girded himself for his first day at Catholic school as an openly gay student.

Which of course, included a musical rendition of gayness:



Kenny: Oh, my god, I am so gay. Why did I have to come out now? Why couldn't I have waited until college? I can only imagine how these catholic-school kids see me.

♪♪ I'm coming out ♪♪
♪♪ I want the world to know ♪♪
♪♪ got to let it show ♪♪
♪♪ I'm coming out ♪♪
♪♪ I want the world -- ♪♪

Student: Oh, hey, Kenny. I hear you're...

Kenny: -- a fag?! What?! I know that's what you're all whispering about me!

Student: I was going to say, I hear you're running for treasurer.

Kenny: I am. And I'd... Appreciate your vote. Vote Kenny!

I take from this display that gay teenagers think that heterosexual teenagers think about them a whole lot more than they really do. But of course that self-obsession is hardly confined to gay teenagers.

But I digress.

The outburst, however, did necessitate a meeting in the Vice Principal’s office. Take note of the flag in the middle of the display just over the principal’s shoulder. Kind of an odd flag to have as your centerpiece in this supposedly hostile Catholic environment, right?


Vice Principal: Kenny, you've put us in quite a pickle. Is it bad to say putting a pickle in something to someone like you? Don't answer that.

Kenny: Um, how is this gonna go down?

Vice Principal: Well, you did use one of the banned words, which include but are not limited to ass, bitch, butt-head, douche, slut, slut-shamer, slut-bag... Slut basket...

Kenny: -- okay, are you sure you should be reading these out loud to me?

Vice Principal: Probably not. So, what to do with you. On one hand, you're the bully, but on the other hand, you're the victim, so I guess they're just gonna cancel each other out. That's a wash. Just get back to class.

Really, really harsh treatment at the hands of those Catholics. Good training for the harsh scrutiny he will receive at Catholic colleges like Notre Dame, where they recently took the extremely homophobic step of creating an LGBT student organization.

In the final analysis, this show is really bad.

It’s literally the mere tale of a gay Irish kid in Chicago going through life as if everything and everyone is completely obsessed with him. Which, wouldn’t be the first show about a self-obsessed teenager. But it’s not even funny. Which is also unforgiveable.

Trust me, it’s too late for me. But you can save yourselves. Don’t watch. I’ll do it for you.

Dylan Gwinn
Dylan Gwinn
Dylan Gwinn is an author and sports talk radio host.