On Sunday night’s edition of “How Hillary Did Absolutely Nothing Wrong Ever, and Must Be Elected President Like, Yesterday,” aka Madam Secretary, Secretary McCord (Tea Leoni) continues to face the fallout from last week’s episode where her ill-conceived plan to condemn millions of Ukrainians to Russian slavery in exchange for “peace,” resulted in the ascension of a radical Russian Nationalist.
Which means, her loss of favor has resulted in her being called into a high-level cabinet meeting where a military transformation initiative to counter the cyber-threat from China is now on the table, and she is being told to get behind the new policy. Except, Secretary McCord seems perplexed by one particular aspect of the agenda:
Official #1: Craig has come up with a new defense initiative.
President: Go ahead and lay it out.
Craig: Of course. Now, when my grandfather went to the Philippines at the beginning of World War II, he was armed with a rifle that was designed in 1904. The next years saw a transformation of U.S. Defense that changed the shape of geopolitics forever. And we pretty much haven't touched it since then. So while we're still spending billions on aircraft carriers and submarines, we're getting cut off at the knees by a backroom criminal with some malware and a laptop.
Official #1: Or a weather station in the Antarctic.
McCord: That research station was approved by the Arctic Council. How are we seeing it as an act of aggression?
Craig: Exactly. It's under the radar. It's cheap. And for the cost of one weather station, China gets complete access to our satellite communications, and quite possibly shares them with our adversaries on the Arctic Council, who, as you pointed out, didn't exactly protest this thing in the first place.
McCord: So, we're thinking China and Russia are working together?
Craig: To undermine our global security interests? Does that seem so impossible to you?
McCord: Look, I get shifting our focus to cyber offense after what happened with Air Force One, but battlefield robotics, laser weapons systems? What about the impact that this is going to have on diplomatic relations?
Craig: Well, to that, I would say, Madam Secretary... You've had your turn. And you see where that LED us.
President: This is a done deal, Bess. Figure out a way to make it work.
No, seriously. Why is China and Russia working together a shock? Here is what a cursory Google search, using the extremely superficial “Russia and China working Together” reveals:
There are several serious stories there, including a piece about the Russian and Chinese militaries cooperating in Syria. I wouldn’t normally deviate from garden variety television bias for this, but when you have a show that is dedicated to showing the Secretary of State as being the single most important position on Earth in order to make the case that Hillary’s transition to President should be a smooth and easy breeze, sometimes it’s instrumental to point out how they basically have no clue what they’re talking about.
Also, annoying is the worry about how getting ready to thwart a cyber-attack is going to affect international relations. Especially considering Air Force 1 had been successfully cyber-attacked and flown by remote control only a few weeks earlier.
But, I digress.
Next, Madam Secretary shows us how bringing your classified/highly-sensitive government documents home with you is not only not a sign of extreme dedication, but can lead to startling mental breakthroughs and moments of clarity:
Husband: I recommend the puzzle.
McCord: Well, it's a defense budget proposal. If this can't put me out, nothing can. Wait a minute.
McCord: Oh, hey, Admiral Hill?
Hill: Oh, Madam Secretary.
McCord: I wonder if I might get a minute with you to go over the budget proposal?
Hill: I'm still catching up on it myself, but, yes, of course.
McCord: Oh, great. Okay, 'cause I want to show you. Right here... On page 204, we get into breakdown on specific weaponry.
Hill: Yes.
McCord: I know what Sterling said-- that we're looking to go all stealth and cheap and fast, but what is all this? It's old-school, heavy-duty military gear. It's-it's aircraft carriers, tanks, dozens of choppers.
Hill: Sterling knows that he has to sell this to the brass. And this is what the generals understand.
McCord: But it's more than half the budget.
Hill: This old ship turns slowly.
McCord: Let me ask you something, Ellen. You agree with Sterling's initiative?
Hill: Do I think that Chinese weather station is a spy outpost? Probably not. But I do think that this is how wars are going to be fought in the future.
McCord: Thank you, Admiral.
Classified, shmassified. Taking your classified/highly-sensitive material home for late night reading is normal. Totes.
Hot on the trail now, McCord must capitalize on her late night classified document reading by selling her counter-initiative to the President in a way that will accomplish both her goals:
Official #1: Look who's first to school.
McCord: Um, Lucy let me in. I hope that's okay, Mr. President.
President: So what's this proposal?
McCord: Yeah. Um... So, in going over the proposed budget for Craig's military transformation initiative, I, uh, saw an opportunity where I thought State might be able to contribute, using our diplomatic relations with Nepal. I proposed to their prime minister the idea of an observatory in the Himalayas. It is a highly strategic spot for optical, infrared, and gamma ray observation.
Official #1: It's strategic, all right. It's right on the border of China.
President: Which is why Nepal will never sign off on it. They've got a relationship to protect.
McCord: They also have needs in the wake of the earthquakes. I've gotten word back from the prime minister that he's open to the idea, provided we pay a yearly fee for use of the land, roughly the same amount we were hoping to approve in the disaster relief bill. The question, of course, is... Budget. (Clears throat) One... Just one second. Um, for the cost of ten Joint Light Tactical Vehicles, we could invest in the peaceful observation of the heavens with three new telescopes and also answer China's encroachment at the Arctic with a message of our own.
President: Ten jltvs, huh?
McCord: Yeah. The budget calls for 400. I think 390 should do it.
President: What do you think, Craig?
Craig: Well, it's strategic, it sends a message to China, and it's cheap. What's not to like?
President: Reach out to NASA. Get it in motion.
McCord: Absolutely, Mr. President.
So, there you have it. You needn’t worry about the handling of sensitive defense/intelligence documents. Only the best Secretaries of State take closely guarded State secrets home, and when they do awesome things happen. Like saving the astronomic observations while sticking it to China.
So shut the heck up about Libya and vote for Hillary already.
