Dennis Miller: Waterboarding Terrorists is ‘Heaven-Sent,’ Feels ‘Privileged’ Bush Was President

On Wednesday’s The O’Reilly Factor, during the show’s regular "Miller Time" segment, Dennis Miller defended the practice of waterboarding terrorists to save the lives of Americans, calling the technique "heaven-sent." Miller: "Something that takes somebody who's willing to strap a bomb on and yet freaks them out to the point where they'll tell you where the next bomb is by pouring water down their nose and they don't even die, I think, wow, this is heaven-sent." He also heaped praise on President Bush for "keeping this country safe in the interim seven years" since the 9/11 attacks. Miller: "That's what I admire about him. He's willing to be hated for the rest of his life to do the right thing. And I just want to look in the camera. This is the last time I’ll be on this show when he's my President and my Commander-in-Chief and say, ‘Thank you, sir. I feel privileged that you were the President during this time in American history.’"

Below is a transcript of the relevant portion of the Wednesday, January 14, The O’Reilly Factor on FNC:

BILL O'REILLY: Top of the program, as you know, we had this torture debate. And I think these people who are trying to indict Bush and Cheney right now when there's no hard evidence they broke any law are hurting the nation. How do you see it?

DENNIS MILLER: Yeah, I think that, put it this way. Maybe not the 20th, but the 22nd of January, I think if I was domestic help on the Upper West Side of Manhattan, I would keep my head on a swivel because there's going to be some angry people walking around with a suppository of hate for George Bush for the last eight years. And they're going to have no place to put it. And I would say underlings, nannies, drivers, housekeepers are about to get laid into. Because I don't think they’ll know what to do without Bush to hate.

As far as the torture goes, I guess the thing is, if Bill Clinton can quibble about what the definition of "is" is, I certainly think fair-minded people can disagree on what torture is. Now, as I understand, according to this article, they're talking about loud music, keeping somebody up all night, and pouring water down their nose. And, you know, if you mix in transporting a Maraschino cherry across the poorly lit break room and depositing it into a shot glass using nothing more than your nether regions, I think we've got a fraternal ritual on our hands here. I don't think waterboarding is torture. And I know John McCain does. I respect him immensely. But I swear to God, John McCain would have probably prayed for days when he was in the Hanoi Hilton that what they did was pour water down his nose. I think if George Tenet says that it sprung something out of Khalid Sheikh Mohammed that saved some innocents, God bless him.

And I oft-times am quizzical, Bill, that people don't get, don't get waterboarding. To me it seems heaven-sent. It doesn't kill anybody, and yet it's able to turn zealots who are prepared to die for their religion into people who want to give information to preclude future terroristic incidents. To me, I look at it and I think I find it odd when somebody says, "No, I'm against that." I think, geez, I can't believe it exists. Something that takes somebody who's willing to strap a bomb on and yet freaks them out to the point where they'll tell you where the next bomb is by pouring water down their nose and they don't even die, I think, wow, this is heaven-sent.

O'REILLY: And their nose doesn't even get, you know, hurt. But anyway, look, it's the irrational hatred of Bush-Cheney that's driving this debate and hurting the nation all over the world. When Bush gave his final press conference earlier this week, I thought he did a pretty good job there. I think he is responsible for the economy somewhat. Therefore, he goes out under that cloud. How did you see it?

MILLER: Today is 2,682 days since 9/11, 2001. After Khobar, after the Cole, after the embassies in Africa, after World Trade Center one and two, to a point after Mogadishu where we were pronounced by Osama bin Laden to be the weak horse, I want to thank George Bush for keeping this country safe in the interim seven years. That is an amazing achievement.

And when I see the bin Laden who deemed us to be the weak horse issue a statement today almost soliciting funds like a PBS pledge break, I realize that George Bush got this right. He continued to press on them like water. He bore on that surface. It flipped A.Q. Khan. It flipped Gadhafi. They're out of funds. And that's what I admire about him. He's willing to be hated for the rest of his life to do the right thing. And I just want to look in the camera. This is the last time I’ll be on this show when he's my President and my Commander-in-Chief and say, "Thank you, sir. I feel privileged that you were the President during this time in American history."