Semi-humor: Create your own preformatted responses to LSM double-speak!
I realize we are at war with the slanted views of an untruthful liberal media, and acknowledge it is a war worth fighting, but there are just times that it seems a waste of time to try to counter the preformatted, carbon-copy ramblings of the liberals on a case-by-case basis.
The LSM keeps on insulting our conservative intelligence, dismissing our opinions, ridiculing our values, and they certainly misinform us. Naturally that makes most of us really angry, but we are conversely told that an expression of anger is “hate speech” (unless it is done by a lock-step liberal).
So I have come up with a plan to fool the media (Not a hard thing to do). There are two good reasons for the plan – (1) Candidly, because it is time consuming to constantly try to refute the liberal screeds, and, (2) To counter the left wing hypocrisy that only liberals have “Freedom of Speech” and our declarations of anger at the media’ attempts to control our thoughts, erode our principles, and cheapen our values is unacceptable to progressives.
So, instead of using language that gives our adversaries ammunition – we can use a pro-forma “alpha-numeric code” which the liberals will not understand.
This is a work in progress… your help in filling in the blanks is vital to the success of this project!
Instructions for use:
The “Alpha Character” refers to the general subject (i.e.: “A” stands for the generic heading of the reply (i.e. The “Numeric Character” stands for the order in which the replies are submitted.
The Alpha-numeric matrix to date:
Alpha = (“Analysis that doesn’t make sense”)
(Alpha- 1) “You call that thoughtful insight? A mule has more insight than you and at least the stuff coming out its rear end can be turned into useful manure – Your analytical skills rival that of a sponge – Linseed oil penetrates aluminum faster than facts penetrate your amazingly small brain - You can’t figure out the main ingredient of Oxygen… even with the Periodic Table of Elements before you – Pol Pot had more credibility as a humanitarian than you do as a pundit/analyst - It is painful to listen to you… the structure of your arguments are immature and ostentatious - Your loyal viewers don’t want to be seen in public with you – You will never be accused of having the slightest bit of integrity - If you were a mineral you would be sludge – If you could have been one of the Ancient Wonders of the World… you would have been the “Minor Outhouse of Thebes” - Your transmission is permanently stuck in reverse – For all your supposed global viewpoint… you are astoundingly myopic – I’ll bet you wear loafers because you never figured out how to tie your shoes - Your life is one long ‘moot-court’”
Beta = (Bias on the part of the media)
Charlie = (“Chrissy-isms” – (not Matthews specific) may be used against any liberal with a TV show)
(Charlie – 1) “No one articulates the case for pretentiousness better than you – You are the media’ equivalent of the orbital physics of apogee and perigee… so far from the truth and yet so close to insanity – You would have never inspired Rene Descartes to conclude “I think, therefore I am” – Tumbleweeds have better roots than your arguments – Your premises are remarkably officious, unthinking, irrational chants displaying all the inelegance of an hysterical Sturgeon caught in a fishing net – You have a unique talent to make your constant harangues seem merely boring – Your words are the most forgettable anyone has ever heard… no doubt you have to keep interrupting your guests lest you forget the next feeble thought that somehow managed to break into the vacuum of your consciousness – You are probably the most unlikable being on earth… People prefer the company of Rattlesnakes over yours – If you were a mythological god you would be “Creepy, god of cheap thrills” - If you were a geologic feature you would be quicksand – That “fire in your belly” comes from habanera chilies… not from the passion of righteousness - If you were a food you would be tofu – You are an incompetent character assassin with all the charm of a boll weevil – You are third rate hack working on a fourth rate network, a droid, an automaton… a monkey could do your job… but even monkeys have more self respect – You are an inconsiderate, discourteous, churlish, abusive, vituperative lout towards anyone who minutely disagrees with your irrational thinking – You are hopelessly out of your element when it comes to reasoned debate and we can only hope that bucket of ooze you call a career ends as soon as possible.”
Delta = (“Double standards” alert (i.e. OK for Dems/liberals, but not for Reps/conservatives)
(Delta -1) “Your hypocrisy is beyond stunning – It is an entire ecosystem of slight of hand, distortion, and quackery - It makes a mockery of logic, and ethics, and is so devoid of any semblance of honesty it must be considered the holy-grail of deceptiveness – It is puerile, immature, and displays your complete lack of wit or ability to recognize a truth – In fact, you don’t have the slightest idea about truth and wouldn’t have the least regret about lying to your minister… but then again you probably don’t have a minister… you probably don’t have any friends either – Psychiatrists and bartenders no doubt pay you just go away so they don’t have to listen to your psychotic ramblings – You are probably the most predictable person on earth… certainly you the are the most boring – You give the word “delusional” a bad name and probably think “wisdom” is just a tooth – Your career has the word “insignificant” written all over it and doubtlessly you never engaged in a profession before taking your current job… you are the Pied Piper of disingenuousness and even sewer rats reject your thought processes.”
Echo = (“Economic Analysis” by liberals/progrssives)
(Echo -1) “I’ll bet you had trouble with the whole “apple & oranges” thing when you were a kid – Look, there are two main branches of mathematics… addition and subtraction (try and get a handle on just one of them… will you?) – You must have invented your own number system because the one you’re using has no relation to logic… it’s probably based on a Food Network recipe for deep-fried Twinkies – Your pronouncements are beyond unexplainable and have more to do with Metaphysics than reality – You probably think a fathom refers to the size on the heel of a bowling shoe – You are dysphasic, inarticulate, and your imbecilic predictions make the late Criswell look like Nostradamus – “Punxsutawney Phil” has a better track record than you in predicting future trends – Hermits with no communications in the furthest reaches beyond civilization and without another person within a hundred miles have a better chance of getting a date than you have in making an accurate prediction – You have a singular ability to advance economic solutions so far removed from reality as to be named the “Father of Dementia” – If you were a bird… you would be an Ostrich - If you were a military leader you would be Custer – In a “Bulls or Bears Market” you would be a reptile – You know, you really need to stay away from those “Stern-o” cocktails – Thanks for the advice, but we would prefer living under a dilapidated bridge in Bangladesh rather than accept your obvious scheme to make us pay for another Federal program.”
Foxtrot = (open to input)
Golf = (open to input)
Helo = (“Historically Challenged” – Any false statement by the media regarding history)
India = (open to input)
Juliet = (open to input)
Kilo = (open to input)
Lima = (“Lack of Reporting/Commentary Skills” by the media)
(Lima – 1) “The report/opinion you have presented is cosmically stupid – It is worthless, inaccurate, and mendacious - You wouldn’t know the difference between a fact and the musings of a kiwi fruit - Trees are smarter than you, donkeys are smarter than you, and even sedimentary rocks display more intelligence than do you – You couldn’t find an important story in the middle of a riot – Someday you might learn the difference between passing on the facts and passing gas… but the moon is likely to crash into the earth before that happens – One watt light bulbs are brighter than you - You are an insipid waste of human flesh and a disgrace to mankind… Fish resent being wrapped in your words – You are the patron saint of mental oafishness – Your reports/commentaries are shown to people on death row to making them look forward to the day they are executed – You make spouting drivel sound like a virtue – The superficial enthralls you and the obvious eludes you – The arm on your credibility meter is permanently welded to the negative peg - Congenital liars are embarrassed by your reporting/opinion skills and cringe at the mention of your name.”
Mike = (open to input)
November = (open to input)
Oscar = (open to input)
Papa = (Propaganda emanating from any liberal)
Quebec = (open to input)
Romeo = (“Research Errors” – Any faulty research or obvious factual error committed by the media)
(Romeo – 1) “Is it your life mission to emulate a sloth? Just once, could you consult a book or a reputable source of information before passing on that illiterate sophism you consider “research” worthy of further dissemination? It is likely that as a child you were unable to complete a “connect the dots” cartoon and your investigative acumen and ever present disjunctive reasoning proves the point – You are dumb enough to believe that downtown Detroit is the vacation capital of America - You probably believe that “validation” is something that gets you out from paying a parking fee – The word “substantiate” is not in your vocabulary and you probably think the word “circumstantiate” is something that happens to little Jewish boys – You are indifferent to facts and inert substances have more curiosity than you – Your lack of interest in the he acquisition of knowledge is stupefying – Gravity is the only force which keeps your air-head body from floating away – Somali’s actually feel sorry for you and Zombies envy your lack of motivation – Snails have a better system of tracking than you - Mediocrity is your life… yet it is still a goal far beyond your skills to reach – You are hydrophobic when it comes to the historical pool of information – You likely drive an electric car because you relied on Al Gore to tell you the truth and were too lazy to get the facts for yourself.”
Sierra = (“Schumer-isms” – any moronic statement by a liberal politician)
Tango = (“Troll-isms” – any response to a liberal poster)
Uniform = (“Uniformity by Liberals “ against conservative speech)
(Uniform -1) “You accuse us of ‘Hate Speech?’ You lying, misanthrope – Your entire existence is one of slithering from one hate filled verbal barrage against your betters to another…it is an orgy of hate – Your out-of-control whininess, vulgarities, and verbal tantrums make two-year old kids ashamed to be in the same species with you – If you were an atmospheric event…you would be “St. Elmo’s Fudd” - You couldn’t form a respectful argument even if someone else had written it down for you – If you were a body of water you would be a cesspool - You must be pro-nuclear power because you sure know how to over react – We would all be happy if you could keep your incredulous mental masturbations and envy over the abilities of others to yourself… You really are an embarrassment to people with Tourette’s Syndrome.”
Victor = (“Victory” – any pro conservative victory – no matter how slight)
Whiskey = (open to input… but I suggest a “Ted Kennedy Memorial” response)
X-ray = (“Excuse Making” – applies to liberals in general (media, politicians, celebrities, etc.)
Yankee = (“You Betcha” – Any unfair reference to a Conservative Woman.)
Zulu = (open to input)
Have some fun with this and best wishes to all! :o)