"Of COURSE it’s a bummer that they slashed my husband’s throat. But the worst was having to watch the Olympics alone!"
"I keep waiting for Kevin to come home, but I know he never will. Fortunately, the $32 million I collected from the Red Cross keeps me warm at night."
Panel caption: Next Up: Terror Widow Meets Terror Widower!
Woman: A prenup?! I got $18 million from the airline security firm!
Man: Yeah, but I sued the airline itself– I scored $5 million.