Mango diplomacy, maybe. Mango defense, not so much.
It would be much less disconcerting to say the above headline is a joke, ripped from the headlines of The Onion. But alas, it is frighteningly accurate.
Hillary Clinton recently lauded the benefits of Pakistani mangos in a discussion of better trade cooperation between Pakistan and Afghanistan.
As Reuters reports, "Hillary Clinton has lots to worry about in Pakistan, but she has found one thing she can wholeheartedly embrace: Pakistani mangos ... Clinton suggested mangos might be one place to start when discussing benefits of better trade cooperation, including Pakistani requests for improved market access."
But an analysis (emphasis mine) of Clinton's economic recovery efforts via CNN's Reza Sayah, defies explanation, and require a tremendous leap in logic from economic benefits, to military benefits (h/t Weasel Zippers via Michelle Malkin):
Well, I think the U.S., the Obama administration, is convinced that this is the right approach. In addition to the military approach, you have to have an economic approach. They say it's an interesting project here. If Mrs. Clinton has her way in the months and years to come, Pakistan will export more of its delicious and very juicy mangoes. Americans will eat them. It will all be a part of the fight against militants.
Sayeh later doubles down on the mango defense system, explaining that "... the ultimate goal is success against militants in this region." The mango program, he surmises, will help to curb anti-Americanism and bridge a "huge trust deficit".
Sayeh swings for the fences at the end with, "So if you like mangos, look for Pakistani mangos to come to a fruit stand near you in the months and years to come."
John Roberts concluded the report by agreeing with the tasty allure of the legendary but intimidating, Pakistani mango:
"That would be a good thing, too, because they're quite good."
But isn't using mangos as a tool to curb anti-Americanism a form of mango propaganda?
Following the news, mango sales in Afghanistan rose sharply, as militants attempted to reverse engineer the fruity weaponry.
To be fair, perhaps Sayeh thought that Clinton was deploying a similar program developed by the Indian army, in which they announced plans to use the world's hottest chili pepper as a weapon to flush out terrorists. But if India plans to use smoke grenades with a material 100 times hotter than a jalapeño, what would ‘delicious and very juicy mangos' do to militants, make them drool into submission?
Truly, a fate worse than waterboarding.
Photo Credit: B.K.Bangash/AP
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