Time’s so-called humorist, the columnist Joel Stein, wisecracked in the latest issue that the time for an American dictatorship is here. He began "Dictator of My Dreams" by praising New York mayor Michael Bloomberg for banning smoking in bars, which now "seems insane." He joked that it’s time for an Obama dictatorship, sick as liberals are of attempts at bipartisanship:

President Obama should probably get a little bit dictatorial up in here. He's the only person in the U.S. unaware that we elected him dictator, giving him both houses of Congress and the major television networks whenever he wants them. Instead of ignoring people's objections until they get socialized medicine and realize they like it, as England's leaders did, Obama is worried about seducing Olympia Snowe so he can say his health bill is bipartisan. Do you know how long it takes to charm people from Maine? They're uptight white people coated with a hard exterior made from other uptight white people.

Perhaps Fox News host Glenn Beck is trying to show just how broadly he will scan the world for joke writers for his stand-up comedy act: in the latest Time magazine, it turns out of his joke writers was columnist Joel Stein, the anti-war leftist who asserted in 2006 that "I don't support the troops" because "an army of people ignoring their morality is horrifying." 

Stein’s headline was "Heeeere's Glenn! When the Lunatic Fringe Tries Comedy." Is he talking about Beck? Or himself? Stein, of course, tried to paint Beck into a racist corner with the joke writing:

I wound up sending him several political bits, including one about the silliness of not wanting terrorist prisoners on American soil. "There are already too many things we don't want on our soil: carmakers, soccer, nuclear power, Roman Polanski, ants, Mexicans and French soil."

I also gave him a spelling-bee riff. "I assume that in India, nothing is misspelled. And have you noticed that none of these seemingly genius kids go on to do anything? When will parents figure out that turning your kid into a Microsoft Word function is not great training for the modern world? Learning to scream and cry into a camera is the ticket."

It’s probably not surprising that a columnist who’s boldly liberal enough to declare "I don’t support the troops" and mock Christianity as a "death cult" would talk family members into supporting Barack Obama for president. In this week’s Time magazine, columnist and "humorist" Joel Stein writes about how he worked to convert his liberal Hillary-favoring grandmother in Fort Lauderdale into an Obama voter and puzzled over how Obama can win over Florida Jews. He was "elated" he won his grandma over for Obama:

As I sensed Mama Ann was changing her mind for no good reason, I started to wonder what my good reasons for supporting Obama were. Did I really think that he'd get us out of Iraq all that much faster, that he could actually deliver health care to everyone or that he'd erase the anger between the parties and races? This is a guy, after all, who is no better than I am at stopping his grandmother from saying racist things. Sure, I like that Obama makes people feel optimistic and willing to give, but if I really liked that, I'd have a better attitude toward Scientologists. The truth is, I like Obama because he's young and eats arugula and knows who Ludacris is. Because he's the closest thing to the person I'd really like to vote for: me.

Time magazine’s cover story on George Clooney ("The Last Movie Star") is a flop-sweat valentine from Joel Stein about how excited he was to host the "giant celebrity" Clooney for a bumbling dinner at his house, and how Clooney is an "Olympic-level" guest with his charm and good humor. The Time website even has video from Stein showing how lovable George crawled all over his house looking for the source of a beep. But there is one small break in Clooney’s suavity. He really hates Bill O’Reilly: